I kiss him deeper, knowing we should stop, but it’s not what I want. I want to feel better, without my brain in overdrive, thinking too hard about every situation, every reason I’ve told myself we can’t be a thing. We can’t happen. But each kiss tells me different.

When I’m confident he won’t disappear, I hold his face. His breathing heavy. Our lips slowing down and my mind catching up to my body that’s on fire. Aching not to stop and knowing I want to feel this good forever.

ONE DAY AT A TIME

I’m guessing I’m not the only one who doesn’t sleep. The house feels unsettled, creaking with each shift—toilet flushing, fridge opening, lights flicking on and off.

Finally, when I smell breakfast, I go downstairs. Corinne sips juice while Mama reads the paper. I scrunch up my nose, confused at Steve cooking.

“Morning, Mama.” I kiss her cheek, run my fingers over Corinne’s black coils.

“Steve’s making breakfast.” Corinne grins.

“I see that,” I say. “Don’t burn my bacon.”

Steve shakes his head.

I laugh because it’s the kind of thing I’d say to Jamal. It breaks the heaviness weighing in my chest.

No one outside our family has ever been caught cooking in our kitchen. I give Mama a puzzled look until I see the view out the window—a blackened char where the cross was set ablaze. The boarded-up window. Mama needs a break.

“Tracy, better hurry up,” Mama says. “We leaving soon. You coming with us? I can drop you off.”

“I’ll take Jamal’s car to school.” With everything going on, I need to be able to get around.

“You sure it’s safe to be alone? Steve’s riding with us, so we can all leave together.”

“It’s daylight; Beverly’s still here. I want to get the word out about the community meeting. I’ll meet you there after school.”

“I wanna go to the meeting,” Corinne says.

Mama’s face goes tight, like it’s not the time for this conversation. Downtown hasn’t been friendly, and if I was getting looks through town, being pushed around at school, Corinne must’ve been, too. Corinne’s been through a lot; the community meeting might scare her. Guilt sizzles through me because I didn’t think how things have been affecting Corinne.

“We’ll have a separate playroom for the kids. It’ll be fun,” Mama says.

“I guess it’ll be all right.” Corinne’s face droops.

“The meeting will be long. Lots of people talking,” I say. “I’ll fill you in, though. All the big highlights.”

“Yeah? That’d be nice.” Corinne gives a half smile, then takes a bite of food.