Chapters (55)
- Cover
- Title Page
- Copyright
- Dedication
- Acknowledgments
- Cast of Characters
- Part One
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Part Two
- Twenty
- Twenty-one
- Twenty-two
- Twenty-three
- Twenty-four
- Twenty-five
- Twenty-six
- Twenty-seven
- Twenty-eight
- Twenty-nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-one
- Thirty-two
- Thirty-three
- Thirty-four
- Thirty-five
- Thirty-six
- Thirty-seven
- Thirty-eight
- Thirty-nine
- Forty
- Forty-one
- Forty-two
- Forty-three
- Forty-four
- Forty-five
- Forty-six
- A note on the Author
Liev wasn’t beautiful. He wasn’t yes or no. He was confusing. If he was yes, or even no, I might have gotten over him. I spent so many years mourning Liev—years when I could have been meeting boys, going dancing, smoking illicit cigarettes. It was only when I emancipated myself from my dad that I kind of emancipated myself from Liev too. If he did not want to come back or be with me, or even get in contact, then I decided he was no longer alive.
The time came when I decided to declare him officially dead. Like a kid seeing off an expired hamster, I took his photo into the back garden of our house in Brooklyn and buried it a foot beneath the earth. I stuck a little cross in the reshifted earth, which failed him on both levels-that we were Jewish and that I still dreamed him a vampire. Rest uneasy, Liev. If you choose not to return to me, then do not rest at all. I think it backfired, because my life since then, since the day I buried my first love in the backyard, has been tumultuous and lonely. Maybe I am now the vampire. I went out and found myself an agent that day.
In the back of my mind, the mind that I had left, somewhere under the earth with his picture, I never stopped wondering what became of him. The last postcard we received was postmarked Paris. I remember being incensed that it was addressed to the whole family. I suppose if I really did love him, if I thought there was any realistic chance that we could forge an adult relationship, I would have gone to France as soon as the emancipation documents came through. But I didn’t. I never even went to Europe. In fact, when it came to press tours I actively avoided it. I’m notorious within the business for my refusal to promote the product overseas. I was sure that if I could just fall in love, really in love, rather than the smug—Hey, everyone, I have a boyfriend—emotions I felt when I was living with Sebastian Chase, I might be able to banish the vampire from my thoughts for good. Twins of many hues, drugs of different shapes and sizes, and all the unexpected ferrets in the world couldn’t distract me from that.
Thirteen
Why Sebastian should have been happy I dumped him
“I want to kill myself,” I said as I dragged kohl across my heavy lids. “I want to kill a baby. I want to die from an abortion.”
Sebastian pulled a white T-shirt over his six-foot-three-inch frame, his broad shoulders stretching the fabric. Speaking through his teeth, which he did when he was tired, he replied, “I want an ice cream.”
My brown eyes narrowed to black as I considered his request. “Okay, then.”