My father’s mere interest in a young artist guaranteed them press coverage. He fretted in mock silence. Behind barely closed doors I heard him hiss to my mother that Liev wasn’t ready for this, and that he was going to embarrass our family name. Liev heard too. His cheeks burned furious pomegranate, and, taking him by the hand, I led him into my bedroom for a game of chess. I used to be brilliant at chess. I was something of a child genius. Learning to play chess came just before the realization that learning something—anything—is mostly difficult and time consuming. Anything pre-chess, I can still do: reading, writing, doggie paddle. But I cannot do the breaststroke or mental arithmetic, because the decision was already in place. Over the years, despite pleas from my parents, the decision remained upheld.

We stayed hunched over the chessboard, as the doorbell began to ring. My mother poked her head around the door and, bowing in defeat to me, Liev followed her out of the room to be defeated by my father. Lying stretched out on my bed, I heard Daddy announce, “So here he is. This little boy I picked up on my travels in Eastern Europe. Not so little if his last girlfriend is to be believed!” Everyone laughed. I covered my face with a pillow. I gritted my teeth, fully aware that the rumor was true: Daddy and Liev had shared a lover, and that was how they met. Lila was a brilliant young artist. Daddy was going to make her a star. But then she went on vacation and fell in love with Liev. She no longer wanted to have anything to do with a self-obsessed old man, cheating on his wife and child. Daddy was so furious when she broke it off that he decided to make Liev a star instead of her.

Liev was ambitious. Lila was not. No one ever quite understood why she didn’t make it, or, more to the point, why she stopped being interested in making it. Not long after Liev became friendly with my father, she moved to Philadelphia to work with unwanted children. I dreamed about joining her, my father’s former lover, to see if she might want me. But then Liev moved in with us. And I decided that I wanted to stay.

I wondered about the darkness inside Liev that allowed him to leave his girlfriend, whom he knew to be more talented than he was, for the prospect of stardom, which he knew he did not especially deserve. I put the question out of my mind and, curling it tight in my hand, made a fist for the rest of the night.