I made my way back to my dressing room. This was the time I would usually start getting ready, but there was no need for that. Tonight I was going to be doing a very different kind of show. I cast my eyes around to see if there was anything I should take with me and they landed on a perfume bottle on the dressing table. I picked it up and had it halfway to my pocket, before realising that I didn’t want it after all. It belonged to this part of my life. I would leave it all behind me.

There was a knock on my door. So, Ellen had softened. I turned with a smile, but it was Barky. I hadn’t seen him this morning, as I’d hoped, so there’d been no time to tell him what I’d planned. Could I explain it all now? No. He hadn’t quite forgiven me for questioning him about where he went late at night, and was all business.

‘You saw the list tonight, Zillah? You’re down for the sacrifice scene.’

Though I hadn’t bothered to check, I nodded. It was fitting that it would be that scene. The one I’d performed the first night Lucien had come to watch me.

‘You won’t be late?’

‘Not tonight.’

He turned to leave but I couldn’t let him go without saying something. It was his livelihood too, and he’d done a lot for me.

‘You won’t hang around tonight, will you? If anything kicks off, you’ll get out sharpish? And make sure the dancers and all the other performers do too.’

‘Got something planned, have you? You don’t think it’s best to have a clean break?’

Of course he’d guessed there was something afoot. Come on, Zillah, you know not much gets by him. But what I had planned was my clean break. It was why I was here. I needed this. In some ways I was doing it for him as much as me. Maybe a part of him knew that too.

‘I hope you know what you’re doing,’ Barky said.

He looked tired, and I felt a pang of guilt. It wasn’t only Crillick that would be affected by my actions after all, but even so I knew it was the right decision.

‘No one knows I’ve been staying with you, do they?’

He shook his head. ‘Don’t you worry about old Barky. I can look after myself. I’ve been in this game for a long time, maybe too long.’

He gave me a weary smile and it took away the final few nerves that I’d felt. He hadn’t quite given me his blessing, he might not be cheering me on, but he wasn’t going to stop me.

‘I’ll see you in the wings in twenty minutes, then?’

‘I’ll be there, Barky,’ I said.