Before long, the carriage deposited me outside Elvira’s house. I’d never had much call to come out this way before. London wasn’t that big, not really, but the wide streets of Mayfair were a country mile from where I’d grown up in St Giles. There was another reason too. Only half-formed but there all the same. A vague memory of a big white house five storeys high with steps leading up to a black front door. I had once lived in a house like this. My mother had too. For all I knew, perhaps she still did. Once Mrs Bradley had died there’d been no one to tell me where I could find her, but part of me hadn’t felt able to in any case. Surely if she’d wanted a relationship, she would’ve come looking for me. I didn’t want to run the risk of finding her only to realise she didn’t want me.

I knocked smartly on Elvira’s imposing door before I lost my nerve. It was opened by a trim woman in a dark dress and matching apron. She looked a little older than me, her fair hair scraped back from her face in a modest bun. I expected to have to explain myself, but no. There was none of the condescension that I anticipated. She merely bid me wait while she fetched her mistress.

As she made her way up the stairs, I took in the entrance. This was a much bigger house than Crillick’s. From the outside I’d have expected the hallway to be highly decorated, but it was plain as anything – no ornaments, no flowers. There was a serenity about the house that reminded me of Vincent. I didn’t miss him, not really, but this luxury was a reminder of why I’d stayed with him. After so long at St Giles, and those few weeks playing house while Crillick was away, the ease of Vincent’s way of living had beguiled me. A carriage to pick me up after every performance, clothes made just for me, a full belly every night. I’d let the comfort of it all distract me. But it wasn’t who I was. Or who I wanted to be.

It was less than five minutes before the maid reappeared. She asked me to follow her into the south room where her mistress was expecting me. Should’ve prepared a speech, Zillah, I thought as I set off after her, but I knew Elvira wanted to help. I’d seen how passionate she was when she’d challenged Crillick in his own house, and when we’d been officially introduced at the Sierra Leone lecture, she’d been more than willing. If I was clear about what I wanted and why, she wouldn’t need much persuading.