Much ado about nothing, I’d told myself, when I first saw the outfit Crillick demanded I wear. They don’t mean anything by it, when I’d seen the dancers sniggering as my feet refused to perform Amazonia’s dance. Nerves, Zillah, that’s all, totally natural, when I’d baulked at my first night before the baying crowd. Unable to name what I was feeling, I’d dismissed it. It had taken Lucien to rouse me. Before that night when I’d first seen him from the wings, I’d been able to ignore how dressing up as Amazonia had made me feel. I’d focused instead on my achievements. Look at me: orphan Zillah from St Giles, a headline act! Lucien had helped me to see that it wasn’t just about me. Not for the first time since last night I found myself hoping that he wouldn’t join the boat that was due to leave for Sierra Leone on the sixteenth of October.

‘Zillah, are you even listening to me?’

The irritation in Ellen’s voice cut through my thoughts.

‘I asked if you were coming to see the punters?’ she said. ‘Crowd should be in their seats by now.’

It was our tradition to look out at the crowd before the show started. I’d never missed a night since she’d asked me to join her when Crillick first hired me. But I couldn’t face it. Not now, knowing what they really thought. It had been bad enough watching it directed at the Leopard Lady. I couldn’t bear to be on the receiving end.

‘Not tonight. You go.’

Ellen frowned. ‘You’re all right, though?’

I nodded and, although unconvinced, she left.

‘I’ll let you know if there’s anyone interesting in. Maybe your fancy African’s come back.’

I started. She couldn’t know I’d been thinking about Lucien but it was uncanny how she seemed to put her finger on whatever was preoccupying me. Surely she didn’t mean anything by it, though. There was no way she could’ve known I’d seen him last night. I kept my eyes down, away from her scrutiny, just in case. ‘I should be ready by the time you get back,’ I said.

But when she returned fifteen minutes later, I was still in my chair.

‘We’ve got a lively crowd in tonight and no mistake,’ Ellen started to say and then realised I wasn’t dressed. ‘What’s wrong with you, Zillah? You’re proper out of sorts. Come, I’ve got ten minutes before I’m due on; I’ll help you.’