“I am not asking you to.” He turns to me abruptly, and I realize how close we are to each other. “You don’t think I am strong enough to protect myself. You consider me weak and afraid, and maybe I am both those things. But you, you are cavalier with your disregard for danger. You taunt death as if daring it to try to take you away.” He takes a deep breath. “There was no reason for you to stay behind today. No matter how you try to justify remaining behind, the fact is, you could have run with us, escaped with us, but you chose to remain behind. Perhaps to prove a point, perhaps to confront your fears. I don’t know.”

My eyes prickle. Oh no. I am not going to cry. I will be damned if I do. He can go if he wants to. I don’t care.

That is a lie. Damn it all.

I do care. I care too much.

Do you know how difficult it is to love anything or anyone when your sense of self has been shattered? It took me a long time and a lot of help to even admit to liking the way the sun felt on my skin. I admitted to liking Taraana. I admitted that I might even love him someday in the future. Shouldn’t that be enough?

Taraana crosses over to the wall, and a door to the Between appears.

“Wait. Wait. Wait.” I am all panic.

“Listen.” He grabs my hands in his gently. “I know you have your own demons to fight. I shouldn’t have asked you to battle mine as well. I’m sorry. You don’t owe me anything.” He pauses as if fighting the urge to say something else. Finally, he shakes his head. “As for the other thing, I—” He stops. Shakes his head again. Lets go of my hands. Turns away.

If he leaves, I will never see him again. But to ask him to stay will take the kind of courage I only pretend to have.

“Convey my gratitude to the girls. Thank them for being the family I never had.”

“Wait, Taraana.” Dammit, I am crying. If I am going to do this, I will have to do it all. I wrap my arms around him, forcing him to stop walking toward the Between door. His heart is beating furiously under my cheek. His skin is warm and he smells like strawberry soap. “You can’t leave.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Paheli.” He growls my name. I look up into his eyes and am trapped by the stars that glimmer in them.