My heart lifts at his words and for a moment my head clears, and the pain disappears. ‘I’m not perfect,’ I murmur. ‘No one is.’

‘Okay, well you’re perfect for me.’

I inhale deeply and attempt to push out all thoughts of the past. I have this strange feeling that I’ve forgotten something important. It’s right there on the edge of my consciousness, but, try as I might, I can’t quite grasp it. I give myself a little shake and tell myself to focus on the day ahead. To ignore the tiny bead of worry in my chest. Today is a day for fairy tales and happy ever afters. All that matters is that I’m about to become the person I’ve always wanted to be, with the man I love. Nothing will change that.

Thirty-Four

NOW

So this is it. This is the end of my life.

I feel like I might be crying, although I can’t be too sure. I trawl my mind to come up with anything good that might distract me from the horror of what’s going on. I don’t want the last thought I have to be about Celia and Malcolm’s cold, efficient hands on my body, hoisting me up onto the chair as though I’m some inanimate thing with no thoughts or feelings or emotions. Just an inconvenience who might serve a purpose for them in death.

The noose slips over my head, brushing my eyelashes and nose on its descent towards my shoulders. I feel its weight as it lands, like a soft tickle on my neck. Maybe the paralysing drug that Celia injected me with is a blessing – it’s stopping me from squirming and struggling, from begging and pleading. From losing my dignity.

Once again, I try to direct my thoughts to something distracting, something nice. But it’s hard to ignore the tightening noose, and the nod that passes from Celia to Malcolm – their agreement that all is finally ready. I clutch at a handful of memories, each one shuttling through my mind too fast – a tranquil lake in summertime, the view from my mum’s bench over the Blackmore Vale, my children’s laughter, my dad’s gruff voice, his Welsh lilt like a comforting lullaby…

And then I realise with a jolt that I really am hearing my dad’s voice! I blink. And then I blink again. The drug must finally be wearing off. Celia said it would only last a few minutes.

Unless I’m hallucinating, I can hear my father issuing someone with instructions. ‘Call the police!’ he cries. ‘And get an ambulance here too!’