‘I’ll do it.’ Toby comes and sits on the bed while the kids snuggle up to him. Normally I’d stay too, but I need a few moments to compose myself. Work out how I’m going to handle this. We’re usually so in sync with one another, so open and honest. It feels alien to be suspicious of my husband. He’s my partner in everything. He’s never kept secrets from me before. Never lied.

I head to the bathroom, where I stare critically at myself in the mirror. My face is pale and there are bluish smudges beneath my eyes. My skin isn’t too bad – a little dry around the eyes, and there are more lines there than I’d like. Not too bad for a working thirty-seven-year-old with two kids. My hair is shiny and sleek, but it has to be because it’s my job. I can’t go to work with bad hair. I’m not any worse looking than Madeline, am I?

I don’t even know why I’m going down this rabbit hole. I can’t believe I’m thinking these things. There could be any number of reasons why Toby and my sister-in-law met up today. So why did he lie to me? And why is Madeline not returning my calls or messages? Something’s up, and I need to find out what.

Seven

EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO

The rain lashes against the plate-glass windows as pedestrians are buffeted along the pavement, their clothes and hair frenziedly whipping around them. Inside, as I sweep the floor of the salon, the sound of the vile weather is drowned out by the whine of hairdryers and the thump of music.

I’ve had my Saturday job at Waves Salon for almost a year now, and it’s been great to earn my own money and have respite from studying. Especially now that it’s just me and Dad at home. Although it may as well just be me with all the conversation I get out of my father. I’m also trying to recover from the fact that my younger sister Dina has just gone off travelling. She only gave us one week’s notice that she was leaving, and Dad didn’t even seem that bothered about it. Just told her to stay out of trouble.

I can’t say I’m surprised that she left. She was always going on about how she couldn’t wait to get out of Shaftesbury. But it’s still a shock. Her leaving makes me feel like I’ve failed somehow. Like I’ve let her down. Like I’ve let Mum down. Like I didn’t do enough to keep our family together. I guess it’s kind of a slap in the face.