Dina and I aren’t the best of friends, but it doesn’t stop the rocks in my belly from sinking a little further. What if I never see her again? I tell myself there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ll simply have to get on with my life without her in it. At least I have my new family now, and things will certainly be less… complicated without my unpredictable sister. But, try as I might, I can’t hold onto that rationality. I’m suddenly overwhelmed by a rush of emotions. I honestly can’t tell if I’m furious with my sister, worried about her, sad, or something else entirely. I need the officers to leave so I can try to process the depth of my feelings. There’s something in my gut that isn’t chiming right. A twisting, gnawing sensation that has me almost panicked. Like I’m free-falling and I won’t know what’s wrong until I crash to the ground.

Twenty-Six

NOW

I have absolutely no recollection of seeing my sister on my wedding day. Toby’s story feels like fiction, not real life. I keep expecting that any second I’ll wake up.

A thin sheen of sweat has appeared on my husband’s forehead and upper lip. Either he’s lying about Dina, or the stress of remembering is taking its toll. I want to believe Toby is telling me the truth. But I also want it to be a lie, because otherwise that means I killed my sister. I clasp my hands in front of me to stop them shaking. I don’t think any of this has sunk in properly.

Toby takes a breath. ‘Zoe, I’m sorry you don’t remember that night, but maybe it’s a good thing, considering what happened.’

I’m about to dispute this, but I need to hear the rest, so I bite my tongue and force myself to sit back down at the table. Toby follows me. ‘Dina was drunk,’ he continues. ‘Not just tipsy, but almost paralytic. Staggering all over the place. Saying all kinds of crazy stuff like she was in love with me and she couldn’t believe I was going to marry you. That we had a connection.’ He darts a look at me across the table and swallows. ‘You were standing there in shock. I tried to reassure you that what she was saying was all nonsense, but it didn’t feel like you were even listening to me. I felt absolutely powerless. I could see our relationship slipping away. I felt like I was going to lose everything!’

Toby gets to his feet, agitated. He walks across the hotel room, then turns and walks back. I want to prompt him to continue talking, but again I manage to stay quiet. To wait for him to carry on. He finally sits back down and continues his account.