LACY

Stay, cousin – who be these?

EYRE

Leave whining, leave whining: away with this whimpering, this

puling, these blubbering tears, and these wet eyes. I’ll get thy

husband discharged, I warrant thee, sweet Jane – go to!

HODGE

Master, here be the captains.

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EYRE

Peace, Hodge; husht, ye knave, husht.

FIRK

Here be the cavaliers and the colonels, master.

EYRE

Peace, Firk; peace, my fine Firk. Stand by, with your pishery-

pashery, away! I am a man of the best presence: I’ll speak to

them an’ they were popes! Gentlemen, captains, colonels,

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commanders; brave men, brave leaders, may it please you to

give me audience. I am Simon Eyre, the mad shoemaker of

Tower Street. This wench with the mealy mouth that will never

tire is my wife, I can tell you. Here’s Hodge, my man and my

foreman. Here’s Firk, my fine firking journeyman; and this is

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blubbered Jane. All we come to be suitors for this honest Ralph.

Keep him at home and, as I am a true shoemaker and a

gentleman of the Gentle Craft, buy spurs yourself and I’ll find

ye boots these seven years.

MARGERY

Seven years, husband?

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EYRE

Peace, midriff, peace; I know what I do. Peace!

FIRK

Truly, Master Cormorant, you shall do God good service to let

Ralph and his wife stay together. She’s a young, new-married

woman. If you take her husband away from her a-night, you

undo her; she may beg in the daytime; for he’s as good a

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workman at a prick and awl as any is in our trade.

JANE

O let him stay, else I shall be undone!

FIRK

Ay, truly, she shall be laid at one side like a pair of old shoes else,

and be occupied for no use.

LACY

Truly, my friends, it lies not in my power.

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The Londoners are pressed, paid and set forth

By the Lord Mayor. I cannot change a man.

HODGE

Why, then you were as good be a corporal as a colonel, if you

cannot discharge one good fellow. And I tell you true, I think

you do more than you can answer, to press a man within a year

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and a day of his marriage.

EYRE

Well said, melancholy Hodge! Gramercy, my fine foreman!

MARGERY

Truly, gentlemen, it were ill done for such as you to stand so

stiffly against a poor young wife, considering her case; she is

new-married – but let that pass. I pray, deal not roughly with

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her. Her husband is a young man and but newly entered – but

let that pass.

EYRE

Away with your pishery-pashery, your pols and your edipols.

Peace, midriff; silence, Cecily Bumtrinket. Let your head speak.

FIRK

Yea, and the horns too, master.

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EYRE

Tawsoone, my fine Firk, tawsoone! Peace, scoundrels. See you

this man, captains? You will not release him? Well, let him go.

He’s a proper shot: let him vanish! Peace, Jane, dry up thy tears,

they’ll make his powder dankish. Take him, brave men. Hector

of Troy was a hackney to him, Hercules and Termagant

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scoundrels. Prince Arthur’s Round Table, by the Lord of

Ludgate, ne’er fed such a tall, such a dapper swordman. By the

life of Pharaoh, a brave, resolute swordman. Peace, Jane; I say

no more, mad knaves.

FIRK

See, see, Hodge, how my master raves in commendation of Ralph.

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HODGE

Ralph, thou’rt a gull, by this hand, an’ thou goest not.

ASKEW

I am glad, good master Eyre, it is my hap

To meet so resolute a soldier.

Trust me, for your report and love to him

A common, slight regard shall not respect him.

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LACY

Is thy name Ralph?

RALPH Yes, sir.

LACY Give me thy hand.

Thou shalt not want, as I am a gentleman.

Woman, be patient. God no doubt will send

Thy husband safe again, but he must go:

His country’s quarrel says it shall be so.

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HODGE

Thou’rt a gull, by my stirrup, if thou dost not go! I will not have

thee strike thy gimlet into these weak vessels – prick thine

enemies, Ralph.