A break? Isn’t that what they’d just had for three solid months? “When did this start?” Karina asked. “Over the summer? Last year?”

“What?” James looked wounded. “No, of course not. Just recently.” His shoulders sagged. “Karina, look, we’ve just been moving so fast, you know? And we’re still young. I think it might be good to spend some time apart, a few months. Maybe we can make a date for New Year’s or something.” He offered up a weak smile.

Karina felt something leave her heart, flutter outside her body and away. “New Year’s?” she asked.

“Yeah, sound good?”

Karina tilted her head at him. Had he ever really known her? “No, not really. How about when hell freezes over? Does that work for you, James?” She spat out his name and turned on her heel, forcing herself to hold on, digging her nails into her palms as she returned to her car.

Karina drove a few blocks before pulling over on an empty street. She turned off the engine and rested her head on the steering wheel. The tears did not come right away. Probing her fresh wound, she envisioned James’s back and shoulders moving, the girl beneath him. Then the tears came, fat and ugly, accompanied by a raw moaning sound she almost didn’t recognize. She had cried this way only once before—the day Prem died—and it didn’t change anything, nor did it make her feel any better. Her father had come into her bedroom to try to console her, and the helpless, wounded look in his eyes made her nauseous. Over the years, Karina had learned to tamp down tears; they did her no good.

Now, with a carload of belongings and no place to keep them, Karina tried to think of what to do next. Finally, she texted her Mom: All done here! Mix-up with keys. Heading home tonight. She drove to the drugstore, where she grabbed a king-size Snickers bar, a bag of barbecue potato chips and a large Diet Coke for the drive home, as well as bandages, antiseptic and razor blades. The simple act of walking out of the store with that bag began to make her feel more in control.

The week spent at her mother’s house was thankfully full of activity. Izzy was still home on summer break, so Karina had someone with whom to share her heartbreak. She could cry in front of Izzy and express all the hurt and pain she felt without worrying how it would affect her. They went to the barn together to visit Mr. Chuckles, who was now old and sick with cancer, but still exuded a sense of serenity. As Karina stroked the side of his long, elegant head and brushed out his mane, she tried to breathe deeply and think of an entirely new future without James that she could endure.

When it was time for her to return to Santa Barbara, Karina almost asked Mom to come down with her, to help her move into her empty apartment, hang posters on the wall, fill the fridge. But she just climbed into her car and drove off, wiping away tears. A certain numbness came over Karina as she returned to campus, walling herself off from memories as she passed the lake where she and James had had their picnic.