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Chapters (42)
  1. Contents
  2. The Cast
  3. The Stage
  4. Map of Venice
  5. Map of Italy
  6. Act I: Fortunato’s Fate
  7. One: The Trap
  8. Two: The Dark
  9. Three: A Spot of Bother
  10. Four: How Much for the Monkey?
  11. Five: Ladies of the Lagoon
  12. Six: The Players
  13. Act II: The Watery City
  14. Seven: La Giudecca
  15. Eight: A Pound of Flesh
  16. Nine: Two Thousand Nine Hundred and Ninety-nine Golden Ducats
  17. Ten: Intrigue Beneath the Bawd
  18. Eleven: Siren Ascending
  19. Twelve: To Belmont and Beyond
  20. Act III: The Moor of Venice
  21. Thirteen: Bold and Saucy Wrongs
  22. Fourteen: A World of Sighs
  23. Fifteen: What Wicked Webs
  24. Sixteen: A Nasty Piece of Work
  25. Seventeen: A Fool’s Ransom
  26. Act IV: The Green-eyed Monster
  27. Eighteen: Cloak, Dagger, Wimple, and Veil
  28. Nineteen: Well Met in Corsica Once More
  29. Twenty: The Art of Persuasion
  30. Act V: A Pound of Flesh
  31. Twenty-one: Savage Puppets
  32. Twenty-two: No Shit, Shylock
  33. Twenty-three: The Trial
  34. Twenty-four: The Verdict
  35. Twenty-five: Arise! Black Vengeance!
  36. Twenty-six: Off Jolly Rogering!
  37. Afterword
  38. About the Author
  39. Also by Christopher Moore
  40. Credits
  41. Copyright
  42. About the Publisher

“I am,” said he. “Brick by brick. The first masonry I’ve done since I was a lad, but it comes back. I was ten, I think, when I helped the mason who was building my father’s house. Not this one, of course. This house has been in the family for centuries. And I think I was less help than in his way, but alas, I learned.”

“Well, you couldn’t possibly have been more annoying then than you are now, so do get on with it.”

The senator stabbed his trowel into a bucket of mortar with such enthusiasm that he might have been spearing my liver. Then he held his lamp through the doorway into my little chamber, which he had already bricked up to just above his knees. By the lamplight I saw I was in a passageway barely two yards wide, that sloped downward into the dark water, which was now washing about my ankles. There was a high-tide line on the wall, about the level of my chest.

“You know you’re going to die here, Fortunato?”

“Pocket,” I corrected. “You’re mad, Brabantio. Deluded, paranoid, and irritatingly grandiose.”

“You’ll die. Alone. In the dark.” He tamped down a brick with the butt of his trowel.

“Senile, probably. It comes early to the inbred or the syphilitic.”

“The crabs won’t even wait for you to stop moving before they begin to clean your bones.”

“Ha!” said I.

“What do you mean, Ha?” said Brabantio.

“You’ve played right into my hands!”

I shrugged, as best I could, at the owl-horking obviousness of his folly. (Shrugging comprised my entire repertoire of gesture, as my hands were chained through a heavy ring in the wall above my head. I did not hang, but neither could I sit. If I pulled the chain to its exact balance point, I suppose I could have flapped my hands at the end of their shackles, but I had no story to go with the flapping.)

The senator chuckled and resumed troweling mortar for the next row of bricks. “We’re below the level of the lagoon. I could torture you to death and no one would hear you scream. But I prefer to go to my bed and fall into slumber wrapped in the sweet dream of your suffering in the dark, dying slowly.”

“Ha! See there. I thought myself dead when I drank your poison, so for my money, I’m ahead of the game.”

“You weren’t poisoned. It was a potion from farthest China—brought overland at great expense. It was already in your glass.” He reached into his robe and held up a small red-lacquered box.

“Not poisoned?” said I. “A shame. I was enjoying my resurrection. I had hoped to come back taller, but then tall as well as roguishly handsome would be gilding the lily, wouldn’t it.”