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Chapters (42)
  1. Contents
  2. The Cast
  3. The Stage
  4. Map of Venice
  5. Map of Italy
  6. Act I: Fortunato’s Fate
  7. One: The Trap
  8. Two: The Dark
  9. Three: A Spot of Bother
  10. Four: How Much for the Monkey?
  11. Five: Ladies of the Lagoon
  12. Six: The Players
  13. Act II: The Watery City
  14. Seven: La Giudecca
  15. Eight: A Pound of Flesh
  16. Nine: Two Thousand Nine Hundred and Ninety-nine Golden Ducats
  17. Ten: Intrigue Beneath the Bawd
  18. Eleven: Siren Ascending
  19. Twelve: To Belmont and Beyond
  20. Act III: The Moor of Venice
  21. Thirteen: Bold and Saucy Wrongs
  22. Fourteen: A World of Sighs
  23. Fifteen: What Wicked Webs
  24. Sixteen: A Nasty Piece of Work
  25. Seventeen: A Fool’s Ransom
  26. Act IV: The Green-eyed Monster
  27. Eighteen: Cloak, Dagger, Wimple, and Veil
  28. Nineteen: Well Met in Corsica Once More
  29. Twenty: The Art of Persuasion
  30. Act V: A Pound of Flesh
  31. Twenty-one: Savage Puppets
  32. Twenty-two: No Shit, Shylock
  33. Twenty-three: The Trial
  34. Twenty-four: The Verdict
  35. Twenty-five: Arise! Black Vengeance!
  36. Twenty-six: Off Jolly Rogering!
  37. Afterword
  38. About the Author
  39. Also by Christopher Moore
  40. Credits
  41. Copyright
  42. About the Publisher

“Ta,” said Drool as Japheth carried his brother away.

“Drool, there’s a bundle of clothing out on the landing; would you fetch it before the tide takes it, please?”

“That were smashing, Pocket.”

“Go, lad. We’ll need that bundle.”

Shylock stood in the middle of the room, unmoving, where he had been when I’d sailed sideways into the room.

“So,” said I. “Marco Polo found his way back to his family?”

“Yes,” said Shylock, still a bit dazed. “He returned my ducats with interest.”

“Lovely. And he left the boxes for me?”

“Yes,” said Jessica. “As you asked.”

“Tubal has been my friend many years. And he sent these boys to kill me? He would not have done this for spite. He must have been paid.”

“No shit, Shylock,” said I. “It was business.”

“You are more agile than I thought,” said Shylock, nodding to himself sadly.

“Treated by a wizard with syrup of cat, he was, givin’ him magical quickness,” said the puppet Jones.

“Really?” said Jessica, her eyes wide.

“Nah, havin’ you on. I’m just a wooden-headed ninny,” said the puppet, tapping the Jewess on the bottom with a jingle of his hat bells.

Twenty-three: The Trial

TWENTY-THREE

The Trial

CHORUS: When war makes commerce and commerce is law, profit rules prudence and justice is flawed. Behold now, the court of Venice, a grand edifice on the Grand Canal, and among the lawyers, senators, citizens, and those seeking justice, stand foreign traders and dignitaries, here to see the rule of law in action, the backbone of the republic, the insurance of their fair trade with the watery city-state. And here, too, amid costumed fools and cross-dressed maids, Shylock seeks to satisfy sweet revenge dealt by a sword forged of irony.

“Who are that?” asked Drool. We stood with Jessica in costume at the very back of the court.

“Just a grandiose nutter who can’t help himself bursting through the fourth wall like a great dim-witted battering ram,” said I. “Pay him no mind.”

A bailiff was calling all to order at the front of the room, where the high council of six senators sat on a dais, with the doge at the center, wearing a grand gold-and-silver robe and a hat that looked more than anything like a white, gold-trimmed codpiece inverted on his head.

“Is Antonio Donnola the merchant here?” asked the doge.

“I am here,” said Antonio, coming through the great arch behind us, flanked on one side by Bassanio, and on the other by Iago. Iago? What was Iago doing walking about free like a roaming plague in boots? And armed, for fuck’s sake.

“I am sorry for thee,” said the doge. “You come to answer a stony adversary, an inhuman wretch incapable of pity, void and empty of any measure of mercy.”