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Chapters (42)
  1. Contents
  2. The Cast
  3. The Stage
  4. Map of Venice
  5. Map of Italy
  6. Act I: Fortunato’s Fate
  7. One: The Trap
  8. Two: The Dark
  9. Three: A Spot of Bother
  10. Four: How Much for the Monkey?
  11. Five: Ladies of the Lagoon
  12. Six: The Players
  13. Act II: The Watery City
  14. Seven: La Giudecca
  15. Eight: A Pound of Flesh
  16. Nine: Two Thousand Nine Hundred and Ninety-nine Golden Ducats
  17. Ten: Intrigue Beneath the Bawd
  18. Eleven: Siren Ascending
  19. Twelve: To Belmont and Beyond
  20. Act III: The Moor of Venice
  21. Thirteen: Bold and Saucy Wrongs
  22. Fourteen: A World of Sighs
  23. Fifteen: What Wicked Webs
  24. Sixteen: A Nasty Piece of Work
  25. Seventeen: A Fool’s Ransom
  26. Act IV: The Green-eyed Monster
  27. Eighteen: Cloak, Dagger, Wimple, and Veil
  28. Nineteen: Well Met in Corsica Once More
  29. Twenty: The Art of Persuasion
  30. Act V: A Pound of Flesh
  31. Twenty-one: Savage Puppets
  32. Twenty-two: No Shit, Shylock
  33. Twenty-three: The Trial
  34. Twenty-four: The Verdict
  35. Twenty-five: Arise! Black Vengeance!
  36. Twenty-six: Off Jolly Rogering!
  37. Afterword
  38. About the Author
  39. Also by Christopher Moore
  40. Credits
  41. Copyright
  42. About the Publisher

The merchant smiled and talked through his teeth as he pressed the soldier’s sword hand down, throwing a nod toward the gondolier, who was standing on his boat, waiting. “As do I, in this pantomime we perform for Carnival, he is our jibing clown. Ha! The Punchinello in our little puppet show, all in good fun, am I right?”

The soldier looked to the boatman and forced a grin. “Quite right. All in good cheer. I play my part too well. One moment, signor. I will have your instructions.” He turned and called up the path. “Montressor! The gondolier?”

“Pay him and tell him to go, be merry, and return at midnight.”

“You heard him,” said the soldier. “Go celebrate, but not so much that you cannot steer. I would sleep in my own bed this night. Pay him, Antonio.” The soldier turned and headed up the path.

“Me? Why is it always me?” He dug into his purse. “Very well, then.” The merchant tossed a coin to the gondolier, who snatched it out of the air and bowed his head in thanks. “Midnight then.”

“Midnight, signor,” said the gondolier, who twisted his oar, sending the gondola sliding away from the dock silent and smooth as a knife through the night.

Outside the grand entrance of the palazzo the fool paused. “What’s that above your door, Montressor?” There was a coat of arms inlaid in the marble, ensconced in shadow. The senator held up his lantern, illuminating the crest, showing the relief of a man’s foot in gold, trampling a jade serpent, even as its fangs pierced the heel.

“My family crest,” said the senator.

“Reckon they were all out of proper dragons and lions down at the crest shop so you had to settle for this toss, eh?”

“Think they’d have thrown in a fleur-de-lis,” said the fool’s puppet stick, in a voice just a note above the fool’s own. “Montressor’s fucking French, innit?”

The senator whirled around to face the puppet. “Montressor is a title bestowed upon me by the doge. It means ‘my treasure’ and notes that he holds me highest in regard of the six senators of the high council. This is the crest of the family Brabantio, one our family has worn with pride for four hundred years. Do note the motto, fool, ‘Nemo me impune lacessit.’ ” He bounced the lantern with each syllable as he read through gritted teeth. “It means, ‘No one attacks me with impunity.’ ”

“Well, that’s not fucking French,” said the puppet, turning to look at the fool.

“No,” said the fool. “The puppet Jones is quite fluent in fucking French,” he explained to the senator.

“But Montressor is French, right?”

“Froggy as a summer day on the Seine,” said the fool.

“Thought so,” said the puppet.

“Stop talking to that puppet!” barked the senator.

“Well, you were just shouting at him,” said the fool.