She made a mental calculation and must have decided that she was better off appealing to my vanity rather than alienating me. She knew it was in her interest to remain docile and subservient to me—to give me love, whether or not it was genuine. How would I ever know if Eliza was just pretending to love me because she needed food and shelter? I suddenly had disdain for her. She was a whore, willing to sell her emotions to the highest bidder. She was willing to be the cat I needed her to be, if it meant that she would retain her position. If it meant her life wouldn’t be threatened and she’d have a roof over her head.

I opened the door to her kennel. She walked in without missing a beat. I closed it. I could just leave her. I didn’t need to bring her with me to my new home, and she knew it. She was completely at my mercy.

Before leaving, I walked through each room one last time, kissing each wall goodbye. In this apartment, I’d secured a measure of safety. I tried to hold on to that feeling, in case I never experienced it again.

The movers deposited my furniture, dishes, linens, clothing, cameras, and computers in the designated locations of my new apartment. My exquisite apartment. The Straubs could have charged six thousand a month, but they were renting it to me for two thousand.

I brought the rosewood coffee table, the leather chairs, and the dining table and chairs. (I sold the rest. I couldn’t bear for the Straubs to see that I owned any mediocre furniture.) I never could have dreamed of living in an apartment with this level of luxury—a luxury of exquisite design and exquisite execution of the design. It was a magazine life.

A whole world was opening up to me. I was now physically connected to the Straubs’ lives in a variety of different ways. I was living in their building, in close proximity to them at all times. I was also the caregiver, tutor, and confidante for Natalie. More and more, I was inextricably linked to them. Natalie was going to come to me for help with her homework even more often because now I was readily accessible. Amelia was going to rely on me more and more as a babysitter. And soon I would be carrying their child.

Ever since our agreement, Amelia had assumed an intense intimacy with me, along with a kind of proprietary manner. She had chosen me and my womb, and I belonged to her. Amelia now felt justified in keeping tabs on me. I can’t say that I minded. It had been so long since anyone cared what I did or where I went. Her attention, almost oppressive in its concentration, was a wild departure from what I was used to.