Richard has been quite quiet since his weekend visit. We’ve texted, but they’ve mostly been him saying how he’s stressed with his current workload, or me saying how I’m missing him. He’s not mentioned “Plan B” again and I didn’t like to either. Maybe he’s waiting for me to make a firm decision. He might be waiting a while. My hope of gaining a clear head being by the sea hasn’t exactly materialised. If anything, I feel even more uncertain. If Finley is suffering silently with Nick not living with us, how is he going to cope with us living over two hundred miles away? I’m hoping our chat later will provide some clarity. If I can get to the bottom of his feelings, I can at least reassure him and help him to navigate these new life changes.

The chill has reached my bones now. I’ll warm up in the library.

Ten minutes later, I’m wandering up and down the aisles, checking out the books on the shelves. I can’t even remember the last time I visited a library on my own. I regularly take the boys to the small one in Stockwood, but never use the opportunity to browse for myself. I head to the reference section and look for child psychology. The books are far too hefty and scanning the index doesn’t really help. I don’t know where to start. I find a spot in the computer area instead and begin searching the internet. Using keywords is far easier than blindly flipping through pages. How did we manage prior to good ole Google?

There are tons of articles and websites relating to child anxiety and behavioural issues arising from parents separating. It makes for depressing reading. The upshot appears to be that the child’s behaviour could range from mild acting out, to destructive. It mentions it’s important for both parents to monitor behaviour – keeping a diary of it – and, vitally, to communicate, have patience and seek help from a professional if the behavioural issues seem to point towards something more serious. The last part causes my skin to prickle. I really hope it doesn’t have to come to that. He’s not acting out at school, otherwise I’d have heard about it, and apart from my suspicions about him being behind some of the weird goings-on at home, he seems fine.

The diary is a good idea, though, I’ll buy one now.

Damn. That reminds me. I forgot to slip Carl’s diary back to the estate agent’s.