It’s strange how as I’ve been getting older, I’ve begun focusing on the more inconsequential things in life. I remember I used to get irritated at my mother’s petty worries – how she’d obsess over little things like the paperboy failing to deliver her newspaper one day and it was like the end of the world. She’d go on and on about it for days, fussing over each minute detail of the omission and who was to blame. Yet, up until recently, it could be argued I was doing the same.

Maybe I should be grateful to Amber for giving me something bigger to worry about. A real problem; one with meaning. With real consequences that will affect me. Will affect others, too. I open my notebook and begin scribbling. They’re merely random thoughts – questions and ideas at the moment – but I’ll arrange them into a sequential list of things to do. I need to be clever about it. Think of all the possible solutions and their outcomes.

I wish I had someone else to help – someone to bounce my ideas off. I feel quite lonely. I’ve had words with Carl, of course, but, ultimately, he’s got a different agenda. When I confronted him the other day, his expression told me all I needed to know. I was right about him. I can use him. But he’s not to be fully trusted.

That man is selfish. His only concern is for himself.

Chapter Forty-Five

Amber

I’m using my lunch break to research other estate agents. There are several online ones, but they’re no good as I’d need to conduct the viewings myself, which would mean limiting the times to after work. The other local agencies are mostly ones I’d already approached the first time and decided against for one reason or another. Frustration and exhaustion crash down on me. Me and Nick had rented when we first got together, and because of Barb’s offer of buying the family home, I’ve never had to go through this tedious process before.

Richard’s back-up plan is looking more appealing. I’d shut the idea down because I couldn’t bear to think of the upheaval moving twice would cause me and the boys. But maybe I was too hasty. Going to Eastbourne would leave Nick free to move back into the house and he can be the one to try to sell the bloody thing. I should let him deal with it all. Despite it not being part of our separation agreement, it would certainly take the pressure off me. Surely, he’d at least consider it under the circumstances. Before I change my mind, I send him a text.