“We hate ’em, but we hate dead babies even more,” Troy says.

Then I speak. “And now, once and for all, Deborah, get the hell out of this birthing room. I will not hesitate to call Security to have you removed from a restricted area.”

Deborah Franklin leaves.

Troy smiles and turns to me. “You’ve got such a nice way with words.”

My voice goes loud as I say, “The mother is at nine centimeters, and…” I pause. I watch. “And now she’s ready.”

Val screams out, “I need one of those epidemics.”

Troy and I, of course, know what she means, and I’m hoping Troy will take on the job of telling her that it’s way too late in the process to even consider an epidural.

“This game is in the final inning, baby doll,” Troy says. “You just breathe some quick breaths and push when Lucy tells you. You’re with us. We’re all a team.”

Val speaks through her tears. “But I need some painkillers. I can’t—”

“Val,” I say. “Let me ask you something. Why do you think everybody always disagrees with me?”

“How would I know? All’s I know is that I can’t go on with all this pain,” she says.

“Val,” says Troy. “Nobody in God’s green world can stop you from going on with it. This isn’t in your hands now. This is no longer your decision. Your babies coming out is part of the good Lord’s plan. So…big push.”

The word push is barely out of Troy’s mouth when a baby comes sliding out of Val.

That’s right—sliding like a Snickers bar out of a candy machine. I don’t know whether it’s the quickest and easiest delivery I’ve ever helped with, but it’s in the running.

Even more spectacular is this: we are holding a remarkably healthy baby girl. Cord gets cut. Eyes get cleaned. Blanket tucked in and around the infant girl. On the scale: five pounds, three ounces. That’s a nice size for a twin, a very nice size. It’s especially, miraculously fine for a mom who’s a serious drug user. Pediatrics will test the baby for infant addiction, but the signs so far are showing that we’ve got a normal, healthy, bouncing baby girl on our hands.

“Gimme. Gimme. Gimme my baby,” Val is yelling.

When there are multiple births, the firstborn baby is placed on the mother’s shoulder as the next baby is delivered. It’s comfortable and safe for the baby and the mama. It also leaves a nice twin-size place for the second baby. Troy moves to rest the first baby on Val’s shoulder. She has an idea of her own.

“Let’s rest a few minutes while I get to know this one. Let’s not go get the new baby right away,” Val says.