Lizard’s Hobby Is Saving Things

I shouldn’t have been surprised that

Lizard wanted to save a dying language.

Once in fifth grade

Lizard found a bird that was attacked

by the neighbor’s cat,

and she made her mother take it to

the Wild Bird Rehabilitation Center,

even though her mother said,

“Lizard, it’s a bird. Birds die all the time.”

Lizard said, “Not this bird.”

And guess who lived?

Yes, that would be the bird.

And remember that bunny

Lizard saved from the stone-throwing boys?

And remember how Lizard saved me

from braid-pulling Clarence Keaton?

Saving things is Lizard’s hobby.

Lizard’s Plan

Of course, Lizard being Lizard,

she has a plan.

Of course, Bumble being Bumble,

I’m supposed to carry it out.

“Ask your mom what would be the best

language for us to start saving!

And she can teach it to us

so that we can speak it to each other!

The more we learn of it,

the more of it we’ll be saving!”

“That’s a good plan,” I tell Lizard.

“It totally is.”

But I’m not sure

I totally believe it.

My Doubts

I ask Lizard,

“But even if you and I learn how to speak

some dying language,

how is this going to save it?”

Lizard flings up her hands

as if this is too obvious for her to have to explain.

“A language dies if nobody speaks it!

So it can’t be totally dead,

like dead-dead-dead,

if there is still somebody in the world

who speaks it, right?

And we’re somebody!

We’re two somebodies!

Once your mom teaches us,

we can teach other people at school,

and maybe half the kids at Southern Peaks

will speak the language after a few months.

Think how many somebodies that will be!”

The Biggest Problem of All

But then I say,

“I’m just not sure…. I don’t think…

I mean, I can’t see my mother having

time to give us language lessons.

She teaches all day at the university,

so she isn’t going to want to do extra teaching

when she gets home at night. She’s already

a year behind on writing her current book.

Plus, right now she’s incredibly stressed

from waiting to hear if she got the big grant

she needs for her next trip.

Grants are what pay for the research

she does to study the dying languages.

Studying dying languages is so much work!

It’s so much work even to get the money

she needs to do the work!

So I just don’t see how

we could ask her

to take on

One More Thing.”

What I Don’t Tell Lizard

Besides, you know she doesn’t like

that you call me Bumble

and boss me around

and have to be the know-it-all

all the time about everything.

She isn’t going to want to spend her time,

not that she has any time,

but if she did have any time,

she isn’t going to want to spend it

carrying out a Lizard Plan.

She just isn’t.