will get better

for her,

for you,

for me,

for all of us.”

I’m Still Stunned

I can hardly think.

I can hardly feel.

I can hardly believe

this started out

like a normal day:

with Lizard meeting me at my locker,

the way she did the day before

when I was so relieved that

we could still

be friends again;

with Zoey sitting next to me

at another flower rehearsal,

asking me a nice boring question,

like “What’s your favorite pie?”

Right now

I can’t believe

I’ll ever have

a normal day

ever again.

Before I Go to Bed That Night

My father says I don’t have to go to school tomorrow.

He says he’s going to call the guidance counselor

and tell her what happened.

He’ll call Mr. Delgado, too,

so he won’t be mad at me

for leaving rehearsal early.

But I tell my dad I don’t mind going to school.

Even if nothing will ever be normal again,

I want to be able to pretend it is,

at least a little tiny bit.

It’s easier to pretend,

if I’m watching a film about the ancient Mayans

in social studies,

or talking about perspective in art,

or taking a grammar quiz in language arts,

than if I’m sitting at home on a school day,

just my dad and me,

knowing why

it’s just my dad and me.

The Person Who Is Always the First One Who Knows Everything

That person must know

I’m never going to speak to her

ever again.

She must know

you can’t take the worst thing

that ever happened to your best friend

and tell it to everyone else

except her.

She must know

some things

can never be forgiven.

She must know

this thing

is one of

those things.

What I Can See When I Close My Eyes

I picture her

sitting there at the lunch table,

thrilled that she had the absolute

worst bad thing ever

about me to tell them,

lowering her voice

so they’d have to lean in to hear,

waiting for how shocked and sad

they’d be, but all of them

relieved that this happened

to someone else

and not

to them.

Things That Don’t Surprise Me

I’m not surprised

Lizard doesn’t meet me at my locker

before school on Friday.

I’m not surprised

when Ms. Prakash asks us

to pick lab partners in science

for the unit on electromagnetism,

and Lizard doesn’t even look my way,

so I end up with a boy I barely know.

I’m not surprised

we sit like strangers in math

in our side-by-side seats,

where we will be sitting

side by side until May,

because in Mr. J’s class,

wherever you sit on the first day

of school is your assigned seat

for the rest of the year,

to make it easier for him

to learn our names,