Suzanne asked to speak to me on the phone moments after Stuart broke the news.

“I couldn’t be happier,” she said. “Honestly. You’ll be the best daughter-in-law, I just know it. A wonderful mother, too, you’re such a natural!”

It’s hard to imagine what Nina did to annoy cheerful Suzanne quite so much, but it’s pleasing for me, nonetheless. I can’t deny it.

Stuart and I stand opposite each other, both self-conscious, in front of the registrar. I try to force some contentment into my mind. In the ways that count, I am happy, but the ghost of Nina is ever-present and my growing bump feels conspicuous. I’m wearing a loose, plain cream dress. My bouquet is simple. I’ve gone for understated and respectable. I am wearing the silver pendant he gave me.

As the registrar welcomes everyone, nerves well and truly kick in.

“You are here today to witness the joining in matrimony of...”

The solemnity and importance of the words hit me like never before. I’m very fond of Stuart—I do not love him.

Two of Stuart’s closest friends are here, but only one of their wives. “It didn’t feel right” to her apparently. She had nothing against me personally, “but...”

We had no choice but to have a quiet, almost apologetic wedding. Tamsin is here, but I’m sure it’s only so she can report back on how subdued the event was. I can almost hear her voice as she holds court at school, at the book group, in the pub. She’ll dine out on the story for as long as possible.

“Nina would be turning in her grave,” I imagine she’ll say. “Stuart didn’t look happy. The poor man is still in shock. She swooped in, took advantage...”

I dream up lots of conversations such as these, along with my responses, things like, “But I didn’t take advantage. Stuart’s life is so much better with me in it, and the same goes for the children.”

Camilla kind of invited herself. I didn’t have the energy to deal with the misunderstanding. Tamsin told Camilla, who sent me a text expressing her concerns, saying that she still didn’t agree, but as it was too late, she had no choice but to accept it for the sake of Nina’s children.

Big of her.

“The purpose of marriage is that you always love, care for and support each other...”

I stare forward as I try to focus on the words. Sadness and disappointment creeps back in as my father is here alone, without my mother.

“She’s not well enough at the moment, love,” he said to me on the phone only yesterday. I glance behind. He has dressed up for the occasion. His suit is a little loose, and he looks as though he’d rather be anywhere but here. Bless him, he’s trying. I smile my thanks at him and he smiles back. Fresh sadness threatens to take hold. If this were a normal wedding, he would have perhaps walked me down the aisle.