The children are at school and will be collected by Deborah.

“If you take them there and make them witness you professing love for that woman, I don’t feel that I can be responsible for my actions,” Deborah had threatened Stuart. “I refuse to play a part in this!”

And that’s just the part he felt able to tell me about.

Stuart caved. Of course he did.

Felix and Emily will be having dinner out with Deborah and Leonard, at a burger place. Deborah’s going to bring them home afterward, of course she is. Heaven forbid that Stuart and I be allowed a peaceful wedding night. My illness has pushed everything back but I will start the adoption ball rolling as soon as I can.

“Marie?”

Stuart is looking at me as if I’ve done something wrong.

“Sorry,” I mouth.

I concentrate on the registrar’s words, which I assume she’s had to repeat.

“I give you this ring as a token of my love and friendship.”

I spot Camilla. She must’ve slipped in late. Her arms are folded and she looks resigned.

“I declare that I know of no legal reason why Marie Langham may not be joined in marriage to Stuart Thompson.”

There is none of the flowery language used at Stuart’s first marriage. This is what it is: functional and legal. I am my own worst enemy, I always have been. I’ve allowed myself—and with Camilla as a witness, too—to be second best again. My stomach flutters as if my baby is reminding me that I need to be strong, to make sure that he or she is not sidelined. I stand a bit straighter.

I’ve chosen to wear a ring, but Stuart has not. As he slides it onto my finger, I regret not being more insistent. Every gesture, every action, appears to point to me as being the one who has led Stuart astray. Which is ridiculous.

Nina’s rings (engagement and wedding) have been kept in the home safe for the children. I ensured that mine is very different, it’s platinum, for a start, not gold. I’m not sure I will continue to wear it, but part of me wants something visible to outwardly prove that I’m not ashamed, that I’m not doing anything wrong.

“...you have both made the declarations prescribed by law and have made a solemn and binding contract in the presence of your witnesses here today.”

Stuart has admitted that things weren’t always ideal between him and Nina. That they were very different people. He craves security, she longed for travel and adventure.

“Her wings were well and truly clipped when the children started school,” he said. “It was the end of being able to take off on mini breaks around the country whenever she liked. That’s why she poured so much energy into starting her own business. I encouraged it because I thought that if she was happier in her home environment, she’d naturally feel happier in herself.”

Every tidbit gives me secret hope because we are starting from such a practical angle. Every clue at her discontent helps me to adjust my own behavior. What Stuart and I have is unique and special in its own way.