I was weaving my way back from the toilets and he stood there, looking so...taken aback (or was it disapproving?) that I took pity. We made eye contact. When I smiled, he smiled back. It transpired that he’d got the venue wrong; he was supposed to meet his friends at the place next door.

“The sunsets are better from here, anyway,” I said. “Come and join us for a drink on the terrace.”

I wasn’t being totally selfless. When Nina and I had booked the holiday, I hadn’t factored in my boyfriend, Charlie. He worked in a bar near our college. He’d been a bit distant lately and overly casual about his summer plans, but I nonetheless felt guilty when I realized that I couldn’t afford two holidays, so Charlie had joined us for our final week.

Except, it didn’t make things all right between me and Charlie again. The first few days were good, our brief time apart had helped, but by the third day, he was slipping away. I could sense it. He laughed more when Camilla was around, sat a little straighter, looked more...awake.

Words can be tailored to sound more palatable: actions are the biggest giveaways.

When Stuart sat down beside Nina, it was the most natural gesture. They hit it off from their first few sentences. Our holiday picked up after that. Stuart’s friend had a villa with a pool, a sea view and a small speedboat moored nearby, and he introduced us all to a different world. Stuart’s mate—Dan—was a jolly, sociable person who welcomed guests “as long as they restocked the bar and fridge.”

Camilla packed in her temporary job and hung out with us instead. It was impossible not to be intoxicated by the glamour of it all.

And now, here I am—alone—in an anonymous hotel room on Christmas Eve. How things change. This does not feel like the best progress. I shut the laptop, place it on the bedside table, lie back and close my eyes.

I sit up and open my journal. At the back I list all the things that Nina shared about her relationship with Stuart, everything from the Tuesday date nights (those two words make me cringe, I wish someone would come up with a better description) to her love of buying him ties. His and her dreams, their plans. Stuart’s love of sailing, jazz and decent red wine.

Camilla has no chance of wrecking our family situation, whatever her agenda is. She’ll be gone within a month; I’ll do whatever it takes to get rid of her, to win Deborah and everyone else round. Stuart and I need time alone without outside pressures so I can mold our fledgling relationship into what it needs to be.

I’m glad that the Christmas period will soon be over. The first of every significant date will be hard, and the festive season has been looming ominously since the first sign of tinsel and gifts in the shops. Clichéd as it may or may not be, a new year is a good time for change. I will tailor my interests and energy so it’s as if I was always there. I accepted second best when Nina was alive, but there’s no need to be sidelined anymore.