Gil moves toward the center of the ring. “Just trying to figure out where the starting line is.”

I follow him into the painted circle, watching as he stretches his arms across his chest. I wonder how many times his body was broken. How many bones he’s healed and scars he’s smoothed over. I wonder how many friends he watched surrender to the Residents.

I wonder if he ever considered doing the same.

I look away, embarrassed to be staring for so long, and wish I’d never wondered any of it.

Because now is not the time to frighten myself out of trying.

“Look,” I say seriously. “I know I’m out of my depth here, but I don’t want you to go easy on me.” I find his eyes, hazel and serious. I want him to understand. “I don’t need you to handle me with kid gloves.”

He flashes his teeth. “The thought never even crossed my mind.”

I spend hours healing my bruises and the aches that come with them. Yeong says it’s a skill to take a hit and not let your body bruise, but I’m far from mastering it.

I can’t even take a hit without crumpling into a ball on the floor.

I don’t know why I ever thought Gil would take it easy on me. Sometimes I think he enjoys the sparring. Maybe the fact that I’m still wearing a Resident’s face gives him a certain kind of motivation.

He’s relentless and strict and doesn’t pull his punches.

But it’s what I asked for. It’s what I need.

Because if I can prove to Gil I’m strong, maybe I can prove it to myself, too.

When I’m alone in my room, I work on becoming the Resident the Colony wants me to be. I hate that it comes easier to me than veiling or telekinesis. That morphing into the enemy takes less effort than putting on foundation.

I don’t tell anyone how quickly I’ve mastered my disguise. I’m afraid if they know, they’ll push me to do more. And I’m afraid if they see my hesitation, they’ll have questions about why it’s there at all.

I already look like their enemy—I don’t want to give them a reason to think I might actually be one.

I need more time for myself. More time to focus on becoming stronger, even though the question of what it might lead to rattles around the back of my head like loose pebbles. A constant reminder that surviving in Infinity has a cost.

But there’s time for that later. Not every decision has to be made in a single moment.