“Temporary or not, I don’t want to sit around not learning anything for weeks. Or months. Or—well, however long it takes for Annika to think I’m ready again.” I drop my hands into my lap. “You taught me how to heal myself. Can you teach me to do the things Theo and Shura can do?”

“My advice is to practice. And I know it’s hard, but when you’re training, it’s important to find stillness. Sometimes it helps to imagine looking for your reflection in the water. It’s hard to see through water in the middle of a storm; you need to find peace first,” Yeong offers. “But these things take time. Most of us have only been able to master one or two skills at most.”

“Not Gil,” I say, embarrassed by how sour the words taste.

“Gil was in War. He had to adapt faster than any of us, and I don’t think that’s something I’d wish on anyone. The things he’s seen—they haunt him. I imagine even using his skills can sometimes be a terrible reminder of what he’s been through.”

I grimace. I’ve seen only a flash of his memories, but now they haunt me, too. And part of me wants to feel sorry for him—to care more about his pain than my own feelings—but Gil has hated me since I arrived here. He doesn’t deserve my empathy or my pity. He doesn’t deserve anything but my indifference.

I just wish indifference were actually how I felt about him.

The truth is, he infuriates me. He’s stubborn and arrogant, and all he cares about is ending the war and making sure everyone stays out of his way. But he also pushes me to work harder—to fight—even when I’m afraid. He questions everything and never seems to take anything at face value. And he sees through me in a way that even makes me question myself.

I guess part of me likes the unspoken challenge between us. The reminder that even though I’m dead, there’s still life in me.

I hesitate, thinking. “Were you the one who looked through Gil’s memories? When he came back from War?”

Yeong’s frown is barely visible, but I see it in his brow. It reminds me of Dad. “I never enjoy the process of having to make sure someone is human, but I hated it the day Gil returned.” He shakes his head at the memory. “He didn’t have any dreams left. Only nightmares.”

“And you think it’s possible to find peace after something like that?”

“Peace doesn’t mean all the bad disappears. It just means finding a way to live with it. Peace is keeping the darkness at bay long enough to get through the day.”