It’s true that I never wanted to be a spy. I never wanted to hurt anyone in the name of the greater good. But having responsibility and being able to leave these walls… I didn’t realize how much I was starting to like it until it was taken away from me.

The Colony thinks I don’t understand their mission, but that’s not true. I want a better afterlife, for all of us. I believe in humanity. I want to help. But they’re so certain there’s only one path to winning this war that they can’t see the value in a new idea. They don’t see me as someone worth listening to. As a member of the Resistance who can change things for the better.

I’m capable of more than playing dress-up, as Gil so eloquently put it. And maybe someday I’ll be able to prove it to them. But for now? I still need to prove it to myself.

There’s a flame inside of me, begging for room to grow. I had a taste of power that day in the training room, when I felt the air vibrate all around me. Somehow, I need to re-create that feeling—that strength. I need to be able to survive without the protection of the Colony. Because if Theo and I fail in our attempt to save Martin and the girl, I may very well be on my own. I could be captured and thrown into the Winter Keep. I could be sent to War.

If I’m going to stand any chance at all, I need to be more than what I am.

“How are you feeling?” Yeong sits on the couch in front of me, legs crossed casually and his black hair parted to the side. We’ve been meeting every week or so since I arrived in Infinity, just to make sure the headaches are fading. I have to admit, even though I rarely tell him anything personal, it’s been nice to have the consistency.

He also happens to have a very good understanding of how human consciousness works.

“Better,” I say, tapping my fingers on the edge of the chair. “But how long will it be before I can veil myself, or get superhuman strength?” Blasting Gil against the wall was the closest I’ve gotten. And as satisfying as it was, I haven’t been able to do it again since.

Yeong laughs. “You’re the only human who’s been able to turn themselves into a Resident. That’s a pretty amazing accomplishment.”

I make a face. “Didn’t anyone tell you I’ve been benched?”

“I did hear about that,” he says, nodding. “And I’m sure that must be frustrating, but it’s only temporary.”