Then, blowing the candles out, I wrap the remaining blanket round myself and lie down on the floor next to Joe, placing my hand on his chest. We’ve both got our winter coats on but it’s still icy cold, even with the added layer of the blanket. As I lie here, I try to ignore the noises that are filtering through the window; the screeches and cries of wild animals, the wind battering against the panes. Instead I try to focus on the gentle sound of Joe’s breathing, the beat of his heart against my hand. And as I try to block out the immediate fear, that of the unknown, I think of the other fear, the monster I am running from. Please let this be okay, I whisper to myself, please let us be safe. But when I close my eyes all I can see is his face.

6

Soldier Number 1

Rowan Isle House, January 2003

I did it! Today I finally reached the next level of my training. Sarge has given me a smart new uniform with a badge on the sleeve and said that from now on I can call myself Soldier Number 1.

It’s such a great feeling to have passed the test but, my goodness, that mission was tough, the toughest thing I have ever had to do.

It took me a while to finish off the ghillie suit but a couple of days after New Year it was finally ready. The next morning Sarge appeared at my door and I knew it was time. We went up to the top of Harrowby Crag, both wearing our ghillie suits, and got into position. Sarge said he was to be the spotter on this mission. He had already reckied reccied the area and gajed gagied gauged the shooting parameters. That is very important, he said, as a misfired shot could be the difference between life and death. We dug the hide, then once we were inside Sarge gave me the gun and told me to keep my target in focus. I did as I was told. When I saw the target move into view I put my hand on the trigger and prepared to fire. But at the last moment Sarge put his hand on mine and whispered to me that we’d had enough for now and that tomorrow we’d be hitting that target for real.

I was a bit disappointed that I wouldn’t be getting the chance to carry out the mission that day, but after all that preparation I didn’t want to let Sarge down, so I was up and dressed by the time he knocked on my door at 4 a.m. this morning. After kit inspection we marched single file out of the house. The air smelt of fire and Sarge said it was the residue of the fireworks that the idiots had let off in the village to bring in the New Year. I liked the smell of it though and I’d also liked seeing the fireworks from my window on New Year’s Eve. The colours were so beautiful, it was like the sky was alive. I didn’t tell Sarge that though.