I need to think about dinner, I realize as I make my way to the kitchen, Joe trailing sleepily behind me, and I’m going to have to brave the lake at some point and give myself a wash. There’s a sour scent emanating from my armpits and I feel itchy and unpleasant. I’ve never gone more than a day without having a shower and I feel wretched.

My mind is so preoccupied with these thoughts as I enter the kitchen that at first I don’t hear the back door opening. But then I look up and see a dark figure standing in front of me and I scream.

12

Soldier Number 1

Rowan Isle House, July 2004

Reverend Carter came to buy eggs this morning. He’s not a regular customer, it’s been ages since he last came, so I was surprised to see him. It was just me manning the stall because Sarge had gone off to set traps in the woods. I didn’t tell the vicar that though. That kind of talk would get us into trouble. So when he asked if I was by myself I told him Sarge had some business to attend to. I liked how that sounded as I said it. It sounded like we were important. The vicar didn’t seem too impressed though. He just nodded his head then smiled this weird smile.

While I was boxing up his eggs he started asking me questions. Like how old I was and what subject I liked best at school. I told him I didn’t go to school and when I said this he put his hand on his chest and said, ‘Oh dear, my poor girl.’ I told him I was fine, that I didn’t need school, that Sarge had taught me how to read and write and count, and that he was training me to be an elite soldier. I also told him that Sarge said schools and churches were ‘the mouthpiece of the powerful and corrupt’ and that he was bringing me up to rebel against all that.

When I said this his face went pink and I thought he was going to drop the eggs I’d just handed him. But instead he put them back on the table then came round to my side and kind of grabbed my hand. I was a bit startled because no one except Sarge has ever touched me like that. I tried to yank it away but he gripped tighter and said that I had to understand that you can only find the truth through Jesus, that rebelling against Jesus was evil, that what Sarge was doing to me was evil. He asked me if I would like to go to the church one Sunday and find out what the truth was all about. I was about to answer him when I heard someone shout. When I looked up I saw Sarge coming towards us with two rabbits slung over his shoulders.

‘Oy,’ he shouted, his face all red and sweaty. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’