‘You’ve done it,’ he cried, his face beaming. ‘You’ve made your kill.’

And he looked so happy, the lines had gone from his face, and his smile was so wide that, in spite of everything, I felt happy too. I ran down to join him and together we hauled the ewe back to the house. After we’d skinned and butchered it, Sarge sat me down and told me that I’d passed to the next level, that I was now Soldier Number 1. Then he sat in his chair and read one of his books, the one about the old man who lived in the woods, and I sat in mine and drank hot milk. And when I looked at Sarge he seemed so peaceful that I knew I was doing something right.

When Sarge had gone to bed I took the cups into the kitchen. I was just about to blow the candles out when I heard a scratching at the back door. My first thought was to go get Sarge but then I remembered that I was Soldier Number 1 now and I had to be brave so I went to the door and opened it a fraction. The first thing I saw was a pair of eyes, then the outline of a long nose, and all my fears fell away. It was the vixen. I opened the door wider then crouched down and stroked her rough fur. She’s such a gentle thing despite her sharp teeth. ‘Are you hungry, girl?’ I said to her. ‘Shall I get you some supper?’ She looked up at me and her eyes were so soft and kind. I went back into the kitchen and sliced some of the leftover meat into a bowl then took it out to her. She ate it in no time and it was then I noticed how thin she was. It had been a bad winter and food will have been hard to come by. ‘Don’t worry,’ I said, stroking the top of her head. ‘I’ll make sure you get a good meal. I won’t let you starve. I promise.’ I don’t know whether she heard me because as soon as the meat was finished she scarpered back down the garden.

Now that I’m in bed I feel better. Sarge and I have eaten well and so has my lovely vixen. And I have become Soldier Number 1. For those things I should be grateful. So I’m going to forget about the water and the death and bones and all the horrid things that happened today, and just focus on the good. Sarge says I did well and that is enough for me.

7

Lisa

10 December 2018

I wake with a dull pain in my right arm. Something is pressing into my skin. I turn over and the pain subsides. As I come to I look down to see that I am lying on my phone. Instinctively I go to check my messages but when I hold it to the light I see it has no signal.