Because Truman was looking at Ash, he saw his words hit with tangible effect. Ash blinked his reaction away quickly, but Truman had seen it nonetheless.

It was the first time his impending departure had come up in conversation. Had he actively avoided mentioning it? Not consciously, but he could see now that he had. He hadn’t wanted to do anything that would pop the perfect bubble that he and Ash were living in.

Ash cleared his throat, clearly searching for a response.

“We’ll send you pictures,” Rayanne said. She slung an arm around Ash’s shoulder from her elevated perch. Her platinum curls got in his face, and he smiled and tugged one. Then he stole her cigarette, took a drag, and handed it back.

“Okay, well, glad you’re on board,” he said. He squeezed Day’s shoulder and sketched a wave.

“Bye,” Truman said, following him. “Nice to meet you.”

“Yup,” Rayanne said. Day simply nodded.

Flustered, Truman tripped out into the night after Ash.

“Wow. They’re a strange couple,” he said. “Have you known them long?”

“Yup. Rayanne was my student teacher one year.”

Truman struggled to place Rayanne in the context of children. Or school. “Really?”

“Yeah. Well, not the whole year. She quit after a semester because she hated everything about it.”

Truman laughed. “And Day. Man, she’s super intimidating.”

“I know. I’ve always had such a crush on her.”

Truman raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? That’s what does it for you: intimidation?”

Ash winked, but the silence between them as they walked back to Thorn felt heavy with uncertainty. Truman wasn’t sure if acknowledging it would help or make it worse, but if he’d learned anything lately it was that it was better to say things than not say them.

“Listen,” Truman said. “The thing I said about me not being here…”

Ash sighed and ran a gloved hand through his hair. “I know you’re leaving,” he said. It sounded almost neutral. If Truman hadn’t seen Ash cry over his mother, whisper his desires, or play goofy games with Bruce, he might have believed he didn’t care. But Truman had seen those things, so he knew. Ash cared. He cared a lot. And Truman cared too.

“Okay,” he began.

But there was nothing, really, left to say.

A Message from Ramona

RAMONA to TRUMAN CUTIE

It’s tempting to believe our own stories about ourselves more than the reality. Don’t be so caught up in your own shit you can’t smell the roses.

Chapter 24

Truman

Truman was taking a bath the next night when someone rang the bell. He hadn’t seen Ash all day, and he jumped out of the tub and swaddled himself in one of Greta’s fuzzy towels to answer the door.

Ash stood, shivering, on the front porch.