Hell, he’d thought he loved Guy. But now, looking back, the beautiful, fascinating, and joyful times were only a handful of marbles dropped into an empty jar. If the relationship was a spreadsheet, there were only a few scattered entries in the positive columns and box after box of red. Where, precisely, had he come up with the sum of love?

But then he thought of the men he’d dated before Guy. They were looking better just at the moment, by virtue of not possessing entire secret families (at least as far as Truman was aware), but not by much. And all of them had ended leaving Truman wondering what he’d seen in them to begin with.

“I feel like I’m supposed to be like, no, I don’t regret it because I learned x, y, and z important lessons that will change the way I relate to people in the future or whatever. But honestly? Yeah. I regret it. I wish I hadn’t wasted the last year of my life on someone who turned out to be a shitty person.”

Ash nodded.

“But, that said, there’s no point in regretting it really, right? Because it’s over and I made the choices I made and I can’t change it.”

“Right. Yeah. You can’t change it.”

The bitterness in Ash’s voice gave Truman pause.

“Is there a choice you wish you’d made differently?”

Ash ran a rough fingertip over the velvet edge of a white rose. “No, I guess not. Sometimes stuff just doesn’t…turn out how you imagine.”

Before Truman could respond with a hearty “Ain’t it the truth,” Ash said, “Well, it’s getting near closing time, so…”

It was a polite dismissal, and Truman was shocked to realize that, one, he’d spent the whole day at Thorn with Ash, and, two, he was disappointed to leave.

“Oh, right, sure. I’ll just get these pictures uploaded and then we can talk pricing and delivery and everything.”

He gathered his laptop and journal and bundled it and his camera into his bag. He was all ready to head home. Alone. He dawdled with the zipper of his coat for a moment, trying to figure out if it was pushy to ask if Ash wanted to hang out again.

“Maybe…maybe tomorrow. If you’re free, I mean. You could come back.”

Relief slid through Truman’s veins like a drug. He let the smile that threatened peek through, and Ash blinked like he was surprised at himself.

“Yeah. Yeah, I could probably do that.”

The warmth of Ash’s parting smile stayed banked in Truman’s chest even as he walked home in the cold.

A Message from Ramona

RAMONA to TRUMAN CUTIE

You make the life you want one choice at a time!

TRUMAN to RAMONA WILDE (who works at Pen Man Ship)

You’re v cryptic lately.

RAMONA to TRUMAN CUTIE