I put Ammu out of my mind once we’re in school and our entire year is being called into the hallway to receive our results. We’re all lined in up in our class order. An anxiety-ridden Flávia is standing to my right. She’s on her own since she didn’t go to St. Catherine’s last year—her results must have been mailed separately. But since they’re all sent by the Department of Education, she’ll be getting hers at the same time as everyone who did the Junior Cert last year. She’s muttering something to herself under her breath. A prayer, maybe? But it’s not in English. I’ve never heard Portuguese before, but I assume that’s the language she’s praying in.

My heart skips a beat, only because I don’t think I’ve ever seen Flávia look so vulnerable before. Since Sunny Apu’s wedding she’s carried an air of confidence around her. Today she looks different.

She catches my eye a moment later and I turn away before I can watch her expression harden at the sight of me.

Ms. McNamara, the head of our year, spends so long speaking about the exams and how a good result is important but not everything that it gives my body enough time to work up a sweaty panic. By the time she hands me my envelope with a smile faker than the knock-off Calvin Klein handbags for sale in Bangladesh, my hands are drenched in sweat. I don’t know if she notices. My hands are shaking as my fingers hover over the seal. People around me are already opening theirs, already taking breaths of relief. Instead of making me less nervous, their relief makes my anxiety rise.

I catch a glimpse of Flávia scanning over the piece of paper with her results on it, her eyes wide open.

I look away. There’s a flutter in my stomach. To think that a piece of paper can hold so much sway, and cause so many emotions in so many people.

I pull open my own envelope with my heart feeling like it’s going to burst out of my chest.

The words are a blur in front of my eyes at first before they finally come into focus.

Math – C

History – Β

French – Β

Irish – C

English – A

Home Economics – A

Business – A

Geography – A

CSPE – A

Science – Β

I can’t imagine how my parents will feel about it—it feels like the two Cs are glaring at me—but I feel the stress and anxiety leaving my body.

Before I can even react properly, before I can even look up from my results paper, somebody throws their arms around me and squeezes me in a tight hug. The hug is warm—like being cuddled in a blanket during a cold winter night—and the person hugging me smells faintly of vanilla and cinnamon mixed together.