From his throne, Odin caught my eye. I knew what he was thinking, and so did Freyja. Anger made her tremble. She started to shift to her Carrion form – that monstrous personification of all-consuming, selfish Desire – and in the violent discharge of glam, the golden choker around her neck broke apart, scattering its links and gems all around Odin’s high seat.

‘My, that’s appealing,’ I said, and grinned again.

Freyja gave an anguished scream. ‘I hate you all!’ she said, and ran out.

I said: ‘I’ll take that as a no.’

The gods exchanged uncomfortable glances.

‘We still have to deal with Thrym,’ I continued. ‘The King of the Ice Folk, in his stronghold, surrounded by his people, armed with runes and all kinds of local knowledge – not to mention Thor’s hammer . . .’ I paused to allow time for this to sink in. ‘Thrym wants a bride. We have no choice. I say we give him one.’

There was silence. Everyone looked glum.

Frey said: ‘Freyja won’t have him.’

‘I see her point, of course,’ I said. ‘But we have to give him someone. And, wrapped in a wedding veil, covered in gems, one bride looks a lot like another.’

‘You think you can fool him?’ Heimdall sneered. ‘As soon as he finds out he’s been duped, he’ll slit the bride’s throat.’

‘Not if she slits his first,’ I said. ‘It all depends on who we send.’

Everyone was looking at me now. I grinned again and turned to Thor.

‘You’d better not be thinking what I think you’re thinking,’ he growled.

‘I’m thinking floor-length taffeta under a cloak of snow-white mink. Plenty of skirts to make your hips roll. And your hair tucked under a sweet little cap . . .’

‘No way,’ said Thor dangerously.

I ignored him. ‘We’ll fix Freyja’s necklace,’ I told them. ‘It’s her signature piece, and Thrym will be expecting to see it. And we’ll hide his face under a veil, and walk him right into Thrym’s place without anyone suspecting a thing. Then, when Thrym brings out the hammer . . .’

Odin was smiling now. ‘It could work.’

‘No way,’ said Thor again.

I said: ‘I’ll be your handmaid, Thor. Don’t worry, I won’t steal your thunder. You’ll make a gorgeous bride.’

Thor growled.

‘And don’t worry about the wedding night. I’m sure Thrym will be very gentle. I’ll tell him it’s your first time—’

His blow, had it connected, would have left nothing of me but a smear on the floor. As it was, I evaded it easily and danced away, still grinning.

‘We don’t have the choice,’ I told him again. ‘It’s this, or lose Mjølnir. What do you say, folks?’