‘Absolutely,’ I said. ‘Plus a rose garden, a lawn, a conservatory, some garden statues, a pond and a whole area devoted to decking and container plants. You’ll be mistress of the finest house in all of the Nine Worlds, and your friends will be green with envy.’

And so she and Frey were married, and Gymir got the rune-sword. Not such a wise investment for Frey, who realized when love’s pink haze died down that he’d just delivered his most treasured weapon into the hands of the Rock Folk, but by then there was nothing to be done. ‘Marry in haste and repent at leisure’, as the old wives of Inland say, and, let’s face it, they should know. It’s an open secret that old wives really run everything.

Odin was furious, of course. But even he could hardly blame me for what had happened. He took to spending even more time alone, with only his ravens and Mimir’s Head for company. Sometimes I heard him talking in a low and urgent voice – though whether it was to the ravens, to himself or to the Head, I could only speculate. As for myself, I’d managed to carry out another covert act of sabotage, and I was feeling pleased with myself – at least until the hammer fell, taking me wholly by surprise . . .

Lesson 5 Marriage

LESSON 5

Marriage

They don’t call it ‘wedlock’ for nothing.

Lokabrenna

YES, THE HAMMER. I should have known that Odin would find a means of, if not actually punishing me for my part in Frey’s misadventure, then at least of restraining me for a while. This time, the blow was delivered by Frigg, Odin’s wife, the Enchantress, who, in the wake of Frey and Gerda’s nuptials, now turned her matchmaking eye on me.

‘Loki’s just a little wild,’ she said. ‘He needs a good woman.’

I didn’t see the danger at first, or expect the disastrous consequences. It was only when the General announced that he was giving me a wife that I realized how neatly I’d been caught, and how hard it would be henceforth for me to get away with anything without attracting the vigilance of my new and eager spouse . . .

It was Sigyn, of course. Who else? She’d had her eye on me from the start. What was more, she’d confided in Frigg, who had confided in Odin. The result was one of those female conspiracies that men are powerless to resist, and I found myself under attack from both sides, and helpless.

Of course I protested. But the damage was done. And Odin made it abundantly clear that his generous gift was both non-returnable and non-negotiable.