One day when Jax was home sick with a bad asthma attack he made me do a Crunchie Run after school because he said the old lady would have been waiting for her treat all day. When I got to the bus stop she was still sitting there, just like he said she would be, and when I handed her the mini Crunchie she looked at it and then looked at me and went, what’s this? Jeez, it cracked me up.

Mum notices the good stuff about Jax, though, and she reckons he’s the equal best kid in the world. I know she means it too, because she lets him come over every day whenever he likes and never sends him home until he wants to go. And I know I’m talking about Jax like he’s still here, but I’m probably going to stop doing that one day.

8

FIRST RULE OF COMEDY:
Always have a plan.

WHEN ME AND Jax made our Five-Year Plan we figured that by the time we were fifteen we’d have hopefully saved enough money for a hotel and the train from Penzance to Edinburgh. Which takes eleven hours and costs ninety-five pounds on a cheap ticket. Even if the prices went up we reckoned with another few years of birthday and Christmas money it was doable.

The plan was to stay in the Premier Inn in Edinburgh, because that’s where one of mine and Jax’s favorite comedians Lenny Henry stays all over Britain, although Mum says it’s possible he doesn’t actually stay there and he’s just getting paid to say he does. I really hope Lenny’s not a liar, though, even if some people say he must be because of when he did the dirty on his wife, Dawn. Who by the way just happens to be one of Mum’s favorite comedians.

Mum promised she’d come with us too, which was good because a couple of kids probably shouldn’t be going all the way from Penzance to Scotland even when they’re fifteen. Also, Edinburgh is where she used to go to university before I was born so she thought maybe she’d like to see it again by then. Also, I don’t think I’d want to go a whole few days without seeing my mum. Not even when I’m fifteen.

Me and Jax know everything about the Edinburgh Fringe. Well, all the important stuff anyhow, like who’ve been the headline acts ever since it started in 1947 and who was the comedy dark horse for each year and who the Guardian said came up with the best joke of the festival.

Mum says the Fringe is almost as big an event in our house as the actual festival, which is pretty funny and also probably true, I reckon. She lets me stay up really late to watch as many of the comedy shows as possible on telly and Jax is allowed to sleep over even on school nights. On the Friday and Saturday we stay up all night and take loads of notes about who we liked and what they wore and what people said in the after-show interviews. So we’ll be ready for when it’s our turn. And then Mum lets us sleep all day and makes us cheesy toast when we wake up.