This is his last chance. We’ll move to our new home, try to start again. But if he makes one more mistake, I’ll ruin him.

6

11:30 a.m.

On the drive back from Dr. Rosenthal’s office, Sam tells me he talked to the owner at The Boutique, and he has the “perfect” dress for the memorial service. “You deserve it, Mrs. H.”

I laugh. It feels good. “I’m not sure what I deserve, but you could use a wardrobe update.” I glance at his baggy jeans, muscle shirt. It works for him, though.

“Hey, I like my style.” He parks in front of the store, glances at me in the rearview mirror.

“Oh, I do, too, Sam. It’s just those jeans. Well, I don’t understand your generation, that’s for sure.” Or do I?

Sam hops out of the driver’s seat, ending our little conversation. I wonder if he enjoys our time together as much as I do. I like to think so. On the way to Dr. Rosenthal’s office I sit behind him. On the way back, I sit behind the empty passenger’s seat: always away from the ocean side of the car. I’m waiting for someone to notice this, to mention it, but no one has. It’s a unique and compelling symbol of complicated grief. Her daughter drowned therefore she is afraid of water. Textbook.

Sam opens my door. “Should we pick up a dress for Betsy, too?”

What? No. This is me-time. “She is fine. Has a dress.”

Twenty minutes later and we’re back on the road, after I dropped five hundred dollars on a long-sleeved cream dress. Mary would have liked it. Oh, Mary. Why did you disobey me?

Mary was home for only two weeks before she planned to leave us again for her internship. The night before she died, Mary appeared in the living room, where David and I were sitting. David said, “Wow, honey, you look beautiful. What’s the special occasion?”

Mary did, in fact, look gorgeous in the red floral silk cocktail dress. But there was a problem. “That’s my dress. How many times have I told you just ask? Don’t take.”

Mary’s dark brown eyes narrowed, hands jumped to her hips. “You have so many clothes. I just wanted to look good, for Brad. Tonight is special. We’re talking again. We missed each other this year. You need to learn how to share. Everything. You come from a place of scarcity and it’s driving us all crazy.”

David grabbed my hand and pulled me back down to the couch. “She does look spectacular in the dress, Jane. Let it go.”