I don’t know if the detective still talks with the doctor, about me, or Mary, and of course, everything is confidential with her. But as far as Detective Branson was concerned, if he needed to, I would let him read the notes of our sessions. He’d fall in love with me even more. I tried to do everything he told me to do, and I listened carefully to everything he said. It’s always a good idea to have the police on your side, crush or no crush.

The bored receptionist meets my eyes and nods as I take a seat in the waiting room. She and I know each other now, but we never speak. There is nothing pleasant to say, nothing fun about being here. It’s just an important part of what I do now. At least she understands I don’t want to talk to her. Most people don’t.

“Hello, Jane. Please come in.” Dr. Rosenthal opens her door and welcomes me.

I do as she says, and once inside her office, I settle into my regular spot: a light blue velour La-Z-Boy. Of the other choices, a wooden rocking chair, a saggy forest green couch or the La-Z-Boy, I was drawn early on to the soft velour.

Dr. Rosenthal takes her seat behind her thick wooden desk, folds her hands together. “You look good, Jane. I know today’s the day she was found. I’m so sorry. The first anniversary of a tragic death is very difficult.”

“That’s why we’re having the memorial, I guess.” David’s stupid idea.

Dr. Rosenthal stares at me. “I know it’s hard but the ceremony is happening, so let’s try to do a little work to get you prepared.”

“Sure. Of course.” I meet Dr. Rosenthal’s eyes. I’m preparing for the future, stepping back into the spotlight. I’ll be fine. I suppose she doesn’t realize that.

“Jane, today’s ceremony will be hard. Guests will say the wrong things but they don’t mean to upset you. I need you to practice your meditation. Your breathing.” The doctor is a big believer in meditation. She’s given me CDs to listen to, her voice attempts to calm me in between sessions. Dr. Rosenthal is staring at me. I must have drifted off.

I’m not sure what to say. I nod.

“People will say insensitive things, like Mary’s in a better place or everything happens for a reason, or you’re lucky to have another daughter. They will blurt hurtful things because they’re uncomfortable.”

“I know. I’m their worst nightmare.” I try to feel guilty about that, but I don’t. I blow my nose. The sound makes Dr. Rosenthal cringe every time. I rather enjoy the reaction.