Tree service companies are so responsive, especially if you’re calling from The Cove and willing to pay double the typical fee because it’s an emergency. I called last week after my near-death experience and today here they are. The crew and I already had assessed the situation and they’d explained their strategy by the time David bursts into the courtyard, red faced and frantic.

He got my message, apparently. I’ve been ignoring his return phone calls, forcing him to come home. I won’t confront him about what I’ve learned from Elizabeth James. Not now. But still, he came home to me. That’s a good sign. He must be reminded of my power.

I give David a little wave and notice the shock on his face when he finally spots the guys, one climbing up each of the two trees. “What is going on here, Jane? What are you doing to our magnificent palms? What’s the emergency?”

“I’m getting rid of them. They’re a menace.” I put my hands on my hips and take a sip of my coffee. He grabs my shoulder. I shake his hand off.

He says, “They’re one of the primary assets of our home. We can’t replace them. They’re grandfathered in. They represent our two girls.” David talks to me as if I were a child. As if I care about what he is saying. As if I hadn’t already spent a half hour plotting the demise of his precious trees with the guys implementing the plan.

Above our heads I notice the men are listening to David instead of me. They stop climbing.

“Oh no you don’t. Keep climbing. I signed the papers. Cut them down now. I’ve already paid, signed on the dotted line. Do it,” I command. It feels good to hear the chain saws rev up.

“You’re destroying our home, the value,” David yells. I can tell he wants to say more but he shakes his head. It is loud, with the chain saws, hard to talk. I watch as he walks into the house and slams the door. Poor, pouting David. He doesn’t realize, even after twenty years, that I know what’s best for our family. Palm trees are killers. They have to go. Period. And I’m not the one destroying our home, dear.

I hurry inside the house, per the men’s directions, and listen as the chunks of palm tree crash to the ground in the courtyard. It’s satisfying knowing they are dying, knowing I won. I destroyed them first, before they could get me. That’s what winners, survivors do.