I hesitated. The last time we’d walked to the mountains, we’d made love in his barn. ‘Okay,’ I said eventually.

‘Lumin seems to be enjoying herself,’ Dylan said as we walked around the back of the house.

I nodded. ‘She seems very happy. She adores you,’ I added, looking up at him.

‘She’s wonderful.’ Then his face clouded over. ‘It kills me to think of the years I missed out on.’

I clenched my fists. ‘I’m so sorry. There were so many times I thought about contacting you. But I always chickened out.’

‘Me too. In fact, I nearly did get in touch. Then my dad had the stroke.’

We walked in silence towards the snow-topped trees, moving uphill as more snow began to fall. I could feel the tension between us, hot and bubbling in contrast to our freezing surroundings. I stopped walking, grabbed his arm to make him stop too. I needed answers.

‘Why did you end things, Dylan?’ I asked honestly. ‘I know you explained why but, I don’t know, it just doesn’t ring true.’

He took a deep breath. ‘Cole told me you were thinking about pulling out of a job in Finland for me. He said you thought if you went to Finland, I’d break up with you.’

I thought back to that long conversation Cole and I had had. ‘Yes, I told him I was thinking about pulling out. But I didn’t mention anything about being worried we’d break up. I think I made it pretty clear it was more about what I wanted, not what I thought you wanted.’

Dylan’s dark eyes narrowed. ‘So Cole lied to me?’

‘I don’t know. Maybe he just got the wrong end of the stick?’

Dylan glared back at the house, watching Cole through the vast windows.

‘So let me get this clear,’ I said. ‘You walked away because you thought it was best for me, not because you didn’t want a relationship with me? Not because you didn’t …’ I let my voice trail off.

‘Love you?’ he said.

I swallowed. ‘Do you?’

He stepped towards me. ‘Do you love me?’

A branch cracked then. We both turned to see a man standing watching us from a few metres away. He was dishevelled and slightly unsteady on his feet.

Dylan stepped away from me, looking uncomfortable. ‘Gavin,’ he said to the man. ‘What are you doing here?’

Gavin. Up close, he looked different from the last time I saw him, when he’d given me a lift to the train station all those years ago. Bloated, skin red and blotchy, eyes bloodshot.

He laughed bitterly at Dylan. ‘How am I? How can you even ask that with another Christmas approaching, our eighteenth without her? Can you even comprehend how that feels?’

Dylan’s face went ashen. I looked between them. Who were they talking about?