He was standing close to Elodie now, staring at her face, her belly, and her face again. Her perfect porcelain skin, even with a small breakout on her forehead, looked incredibly appealing and charming. She was stunning from every angle. I hated that having Kael around made me compare myself to my best friend and feel unusually insecure. I’m not like her, but I don’t mind the way I look most days. I think I’m pretty. Mostly.

This is what boys did to us. Logically, I knew it was a me thing, not her, but it still felt like shit. Which in turn made me feel guilty for thinking anything but loving things about her. Ugh, my head spun around and around.

Kael looked at me again, trying to read my face. I always loved meeting people who read and considered others’ emotions. I’ve met only a handful of empathetic people in my entire life and definitely wasn’t expecting that characteristic from a random soldier who’s currently couch-surfing at my place.

“If you’re okay, I’m going to bed,” I reassured the both of us.

He nodded and sat down in the chair. That was his way of backing off, I could feel it.

“Do you need a blanket?” I asked from the entrance to the hallway.

“If you have one,” he said, almost under his breath.

I grabbed an old comforter from the closet and quietly brought it to him. He thanked me, and I nodded. I still felt overwhelmed, but Kael’s silent watchfulness and the quiet familiarity of my home made it easier to breathe. I crept down the hallway again and stopped at the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth. My routine made me feel like I was accomplishing something. Red flag. I was seeking approval, and according to my last therapist, that was a habit formed from my childhood. This learned behavior then turned up in my relationships, like with my ex-boyfriend Brien, and has now manifested into mostly keeping myself out of them. I washed my hands and rubbed them with lotion, then spit out my mouthwash. I’d brought a T-shirt and shorts into the bathroom, so I slipped them on and turned the light off.

The floor creaked as I walked out. I tried not to look at Kael from the hallway, but I couldn’t stop myself. He was awake, his eyes wide when they touched mine. He looked away and closed his eyes as I went into my room, feeling relief as soon as the door shut.