He was out of the truck and walking up the grass before I had moved even an inch. A faded baseball cap covered his eyes, matching his all-gray outfit—a hoodie and matching joggers. His white sneakers were too clean for this shitty weather, even though the sun decided to come out for the first time in days; maybe I should have taken that as a warning.

“Karina.” Kael’s voice was punishment wrapped in silk.

I couldn’t speak through the lump in my throat. My tongue felt so heavy. I looked at him, but didn’t verbally acknowledge his greeting.

He seemed the same, unaffected, and it surprised me. He didn’t look miserable, and that pissed me off. It was a short time but it felt like forever since I had touched him. It didn’t seem possible. My body was a traitor, recalling his warmth as he stood in the yard. I hated that I immediately noticed how good he looked. I wondered if he noticed my hair color or cared.

My brother stood up, blocking my view of Kael for a second. Just what I needed to help me snap out of it.

“See you later,” I said to Austin, as casually as I could manage without acknowledging Kael. I stood up, stepped to the screen door, and grabbed its handle without looking back to see Kael’s expression. I deserved an Academy Award.

Once inside, I turned the lock on the door. I pressed my body against the cool wood. It was an attempt to stabilize myself, to keep myself upright. It didn’t work well, but I got to my room and slammed the door. I crawled into my bed and wrapped my comforter around my body to hide like I had done my whole life when things were bad.

That’s where I stayed until Elodie came home from her doctor’s appointment after work. The sun was down, my room black as night, and when she found me hiding from the world, she climbed into my bed. She lay next to me, both of us on our backs, looking up at the ceiling. She turned the flashlight on on her phone and shined it upward. Elodie held a picture of her sonogram from her appointment in the beam of light. It was in black-and-white and seemed to make her so happy that her hands were shaking as we both admired it. Her little avocado was now the length of a banana. She was so thrilled that she began to cry, and I joined my tears with hers. Even though we were crying for extremely different reasons, it felt so nice to have her inside my lonely bubble of life.

CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO