I lay in bed and listened to the soundtrack of my house. The fridge kicking on and off loudly, the dull drone of the a/c. I listened particularly for Kael to make the smallest of sounds. It occurred to me that I wasn’t worried, even for a second, to leave Elodie alone with him in the living room. Trust? An unfamiliar feeling, but a nice one. I tried and tried to quiet my mind as my body began to fall asleep.

I felt so restless. I turned over, grabbed a pillow, and put it between my legs, hugging it close. I thought about how it would be really nice to have someone next to me in bed. I like living alone, but there were times like tonight when I couldn’t sleep and just wished I had someone to bare my soul to as the dawn came and quieted us both.

Outside of my family and Elodie, it had been almost a year since I’d had human contact that wasn’t work-related. I had never really had that in large or consecutive doses, but Kael was making me feel a bit like I had a crush on him. That little patter of your chest when they look at you, the uncontrollable spells of word vomit. I didn’t know Kael well enough to actually have a crush, and I hadn’t been around men for so long that I’d forgotten what cute ones can do to our brains. I guess that doesn’t really apply to Brien; he was attractive, but it was his charm and the spreadsheets inside his mind that drew me to him. He gave me attention, told me I was hot and smart and should leave this Army town and move with him closer to Atlanta. His job as a government contractor was ending soon, and he wanted to be closer to his parents. As if they weren’t close enough. His mom knew every time we fought. His dad gave me a worried fake smile every time I talked about my job. He was my longest relationship, and, God, did he make me never want to have another one. He liked other girls way, way too much, and that’s what ended us, all three times. I went back twice out of loneliness, or was it self-pity? I didn’t know, but this was the longest I’d gone without going back to him.