“I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend or tell me where you are at all times, I don’t have the space for complication in my life right now,” I rambled. “You come and you go, and I’ve had enough of that in my life. I know we just met, but—” I stopped myself from continuing. I didn’t even know what I was going to say, and that scared me into silence.

When he realized I wasn’t going to continue, he spoke.

“Got it. I’ll communicate better next time and try not to add stress to your life. Don’t worry, I’ll only be here for a few more months . . . at most.”

I processed his statement. It was a cup of cold water splashed against my face. In that moment, I was so glad he was looking toward the wall and not at me. It made it so much easier to answer him.

“Ah, yeah, only a few months.”

I felt myself shrinking again, knowing that I made a big deal out of nothing. We are at most temporary friends. He’s leaving and I have enough shit to sort out in my life without worrying about men in any capacity. Like, what the hell am I even doing with my life?

“Let’s agree to enjoy each other’s company until you leave,” I suggested, as a kind of truce.

“A drama-free friendship until the baby is born?” he offered.

It took me a second to remember Elodie and her baby. So at least he would be around until the baby was born. That was good news.

For Elodie, I meant.

Kael sat upright and looked at me. “Or not?” He looked unsure.

I nodded, not knowing what else to say. My brain shut down and closed in on itself, and once again I was the silent one.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

There are times when you don’t need to say anything. Times when everything is easy and you can share a room or a moment without having to fill the space with words, when everything just falls into place.

Kael must have felt it, too, as he lay there on the table.

“I’ve been spending a lot of money on massages,” Kael said, attempting small talk.

“Self-care,” I said. “And I can tell that you really, really need them.”

We both laughed then, and relief poured through me. The way his laughter mixed with mine sounded like soft music. It was one of those moments I wished I could bottle up and keep in a vial around my neck, the way Angelina Jolie had saved her lover’s blood.

Okay, now, that was a weird thought. Why did my mind ricochet like that? I wished I could stay focused on one thought for longer than three seconds. His treatment was close to the end now. Only fifteen minutes left.

“Are you still mad at me?” Kael asked.