On this occasion, though, the dwarfs were 99 percent sure that they hadn’t been drinking. Dan had been very clear on that point: they needed this job. It was a steady earner until Christmas. Plus, if they made enough money, Dan would be able to have the van repainted, and they would no longer have to go around advertising themselves as Dan’s Sods.

“Maybe we should split up,” said Dan.

“Why?” said Jolly.

“Because we can cover more ground that way. Two groups: if one group finds the door, it keeps shouting until the other group arrives.”

The dwarfs thought about this.

“That sounds like a great suggestion,” said Jolly after a while. “Nobody ever got into trouble by separating from his friends in a dark basement and hoping for the best.”

“Absolutely,” said Angry. “It can’t fail.”

So they split into groups, Dan, Jolly, and Angry in one, and Mumbles and Dozy in the other.

“Lucky for us that Dan is in charge, eh?” said Dozy to Mumbles as the footsteps of the others faded away. “We’d be lost without him.”

Which was literally true. Seconds after Dan had left them, Dozy and Mumbles were completely lost.

• • •

“Are we there yet?”

“No.”

Pause.

“Are we there yet now?”

“No.”

Pause.

“Are we there—”

“No!” said Dan. “No, no, no! We’re not there. We’re here. I don’t know where there is. I’m not even sure where here is.”

He stomped off to look around the next corner, leaving Jolly and Angry behind.

“I love doing that,” said Jolly. “Never fails.”

“It’s a classic,” admitted Angry. “Still, I wish we were out of this basement. I’m getting a bit tired of looking at walls and boxes. And I could be wrong, but it does seem to be getting darker down here. I thought your eyes were supposed to get used to the darkness the longer you spent in it, but my eyesight is getting worse.”

He kicked at a scrap of crumpled newspaper. As it rolled away, the dim lightbulb above their heads caught the headline. It announced the defeat of Germany, and the end of the Second World War.

“I think it’s been a while since anyone’s been down here,” said Angry. “That, or World War Two took a lot longer to win than I thought.”

There was a door to Jolly’s right. They had been routinely opening every door they came to in the hope of finding a stairway, or a lift, or a beer. So far, they’d had no luck on any count. Jolly opened the door and wished silently for a little good luck.

Sometimes, if you squeeze your eyes shut, and you think about good things, happy things—snowflakes, and fairies, and bluebirds singing—and picture your wish coming true, picture it like it’s happening in front of you right here and now, then the universe will find a way to make it come true.

This wasn’t one of those times.

Reality was fragmenting, and when reality fragments strange things happen.