“Tut-tut, and after all that you’ve done for the old miseryguts,” said Nurd. “Some demons have no gratitude.”

“It’s all for the best,” said Crudford. “I never really fitted in down in Hell. I didn’t want to torment people, or be horrible. I always felt that there might be something better around the next corner. There wasn’t, of course: there was just more of Hell, but I never gave up hope. Unfortunately, Hell has no place for optimists. Well, it does have a place for them, but it’s at the bottom of a lake.”

“So you can’t ever go back?” said Samuel.

“I don’t want to go back,” said Crudford. “I know my way around the Multiverse, just like Mrs. Abernathy. I know all the little back entrances, all the cracks and holes. I think I might just explore it for eternity. After all, there’s a lot of it to see. It’s a wonderful place, the Multiverse.

“And I’m not the only demon who has escaped: there are thousands of demons scattered all over the Multiverse, and only some are vicious and evil. Lots of them are perfectly lovely, with an admirable work ethic. Mr. Comestible, for example, has set himself up as a baker only a couple of universes from here. His cinnamon rolls are worth crossing dimensions to try.”

“With all of your knowledge, I don’t suppose you could help me to get home?” asked the Polite Monster. “Not that it isn’t nice here, but I left a pot boiling on the stove—five letters, ‘an apparatus for cooking and heating’—and Mother will be starting to worry. Oh, and I have a crossword puzzle to finish.”

“It would be my pleasure,” said Crudford, and he meant it.

“I’d like to come, too,” said a voice. “Actually, we’d like to come.”

It was Nurd who had spoken. Samuel stared at him in shock.

“What?” he said. “You’re leaving? Why?”

Nurd looked at the boy. Samuel was his friend, the first friend that Nurd had ever had if you didn’t count Wormwood, which Nurd didn’t, or not aloud. (He didn’t want Wormwood to think that Nurd might need him. He did need him, and Wormwood knew that he needed him, but it didn’t mean they had to get all soppy about it.) Samuel had made Nurd a worse demon, but a better person. For that Nurd would love him forever.

“I don’t belong here,” said Nurd. “I’ve tried to belong, but I’m still a demon, and I’ll always be one. If I stay here, I’ll have to keep my true nature hidden forever; if I don’t, they’ll lock me up, or try to destroy me. Even if I avoid discovery, I can never be myself. I’ll just be that strange-looking bloke who lives with the Johnsons, him and his even stranger-looking friend.”

“That’s me,” said Wormwood, unnecessarily.

“And what am I to do as you get older?” Nurd continued, having slapped Wormwood semiaffectionately on the back of the head. “Do I continue living with your mum? Do I come and live with you? How will you explain me to your wife, or your children?”