24. This is the curse of kings. While you or I might get annoyed with our friends on occasion, we tend not to order their execution simply because they’ve trodden on our toes or, if we do, people ignore us, which is usually for the best. The trouble with being a king is that, when you lose your temper with someone and order his head to be lopped off, a chap appears with an ax and promptly does the deed, or someone drops a noose around his neck and—well, you get the picture. Then later, when the king announces that he misses old What’s-His-Name and wonders where on Earth he’s got to because he was always good for a laugh, a courtier has to go through the awkward business of explaining that old What’s-His-Name is unlikely to be cracking jokes anytime in the near, or distant, future owing to his definite deadness. Henry VIII, for example, who was king of England from 1509 to 1547, ended his days surrounded by a great many young people for the simple reason that he’d had most of his old courtiers exiled or executed. Between the years 1532 and 1540 alone, Henry ordered 330 political executions, probably more than any other ruler in British history. If you worked for Henry VIII, then you really didn’t need to worry about putting money into your pension fund as you probably wouldn’t live long enough to spend it.

XI

In Which We Learn Why People Should Just Call Their Children Simple Names Like Jane or John—Especially John, Which Is a Very Good Name. Manly. Heroic, Even.

THE INTERIOR OF WRECKIT & Sons was still in the process of being redesigned, but Dan and the dwarfs could see that it was going to be pretty spectacular when it was finished. Already some of the displays had been set up: there was a giant teddy bear at least twenty feet high that dominated the cuddly toy section, and a train set that followed a circular track suspended from the ceiling of the second floor. There were dolls piled in corners, and toy soldiers, and cars and trucks and spaceships. There were board games, and a sports section, and books. What there didn’t seem to be, Jolly noticed, were any computer games. Walking into Wreckit & Sons was like stepping back in time.

“It’s not going to last a week, never mind until Christmas,” said Angry. “Where are all the PlayStations and things?”

“Somebody should tell them that electricity has been invented,” said Dozy. “It might come as a shock, but they’ll be glad to know.”

In addition to the missing games consoles, Dan and the dwarfs could see no sign of any workers.

“I have a funny feeling that I’m being watched,” said Jolly. “I was thinking of nicking something, just to keep my hand in, but I don’t think I will after all.”

They all shared his uneasy sense of being under surveillance, although they could see no sign of cameras or security guards. There was no sign of anyone at all. They had arrived at the side entrance, just as a message had instructed them to do after Dan had called the number at the bottom of the advertisement. There they found the door unlocked and a handwritten note instructing them to proceed to the top floor via the main stairs.