The Great Malevolence had also lost its lieutenant, the demon Ba’al. It was Ba’al who had led the invasion of Earth, occupying the body of a woman named Mrs. Abernathy and then, for reasons unclear, deciding that being a woman was altogether nicer than being a demon. When the invasion failed, the Great Malevolence chose to blame Mrs. Abernathy, and she was banished from its presence. When she had tried to get back in its good graces by opening another portal to Earth, Samuel Johnson had intervened again, and that was when all of the atoms in Mrs. Abernathy’s body had been separated from their neighbors and scattered throughout the Multiverse.

The Great Malevolence was a being filled with self-pity. It now regretted banishing Mrs. Abernathy, not because of any hurt that it might have caused her, but because she had been useful and loyal, and the Great Malevolence’s strength was reduced without her.²⁴ This was why it had ordered the creature named Crudford to find all of the pieces of her and bring them back to Hell so that she might be reassembled. Crudford wasn’t much to look at, but like many creatures that appear humble and insignificant, Crudford had turned out to be far more important and gifted that he had first appeared.

Now Crudford oozed into the Great Malevolence’s presence and added the eyeball in the jar to the other body parts that were currently lined up on a stone platform in the throne room. Crudford had been summoned to the Great Malevolence’s presence to detail his progress in tracking down the billions of atoms of Mrs. Abernathy’s being. Crudford was feeling nervous about this. He thought he’d done well in finding as many bits as he had so far. It was no easy business oozing between universes looking for tiny blue atoms. You needed a steady hand, and a good eye, and a lot of luck. On the other hand, the Great Malevolence wasn’t very keen on listening to excuses, and it had a habit of tossing those who displeased it into bottomless pits, or leaving them to freeze in the great Lake of Cocytus.

“Afternoon, Your Virulence,” said Crudford, lifting his hat in greeting. “Nice day out there. Not too chilly.”

The Great Malevolence’s voice boomed through the chamber. It made dust and pebbles and the occasional napping demon fall from the walls. Its voice really had a rumble to it.

“Show me what you have found,” it said.

It towered above Crudford, and the little gelatinous being felt himself grow cold in the Great Malevolence’s shadow.

“Well,” said Crudford, “we’ve made some progress, Your Unpleasantness.”

He began to move down the line of jars, pointing a gloopy finger at each one in turn.

“This here’s an eye, as you can see—and, I suppose, as it can see, too, ho ho. This one’s half a pancreas. That looks like a bit of an ear. That one—”

Crudford paused and squinted. He tapped the jar, as if hoping that the atoms might rearrange themselves and give him a clue. They didn’t.