I figured it would take a week or two when I got back to Manhattan. I’d probably mope around a little because I knew I’d let the one get away. I’d feel sorry for myself. Get pissed. Maybe do something stupid. But I thought a week or two would be it.

Instead, it had been more like three months. About a month ago, Pierce visited and tried his best to cheer me up. He took me around town to the clubs and bars. He tried his damndest to set me up with every pretty girl we came across because he thought it would improve my mood. I found I wanted none of it. I didn’t even flirt with them. All I wanted was to get back home. Then Damon came a few weeks after that and it was mostly the same. Nights out, drinks, and his failed attempts to get me back on the dating scene.

Every night, I found myself thinking back to the good times with Pearl. I liked remembering our time on stage when she’d humped me to pop balloons between my legs, or when we’d first met and she was so upset she barfed on me. I thought about the fun we’d had on our road trip over to Colorado from Asheville and the way she’d lit up when she talked about her dream to leave the city behind, or the moment I’d actually told her how I really felt in our room at the Ashford Inn when she was blackout drunk.

It did make me happy to know she’d chased her dream. I struck up a contact with her friend from Pollard, Marley, who had been keeping me posted on Pearl. I learned she’d blocked me, so I had to resort to proxies to get my information.

A few times, I’d nearly flown out there just to get eyes on her, but I knew that wasn’t the right move. I’d already put both of us through so much shit because I was doing what I believed was right. I was saving her from me. I was letting her establish some kind of life where she wouldn’t have the dangling threat of me fucking things up looming over her head.

But I wasn’t sure doing the right thing had ever felt so shitty.

Walter had grown quite a bit, but he still thought he was bite-sized. He walked on my lap and circled for a hilarious amount of time, then finally plopped down in a little ball. He sighed dramatically, as if his day had been hard.

I scratched behind his ears. “Me too, Bud. Except it has been the last three months, not just today.”

I jumped when someone knocked at my door.

I wasn’t expecting anyone. Pierce and Damon were overseas at the moment on business, and my dad sure as hell never visited. Would it be Laney? But she was supposed to be in school. She wouldn’t have time to visit.

A stupid, hopeful part of me thought maybe it was Pearl. Maybe she’d flown out here to come ask me one more time to reconsider. I knew I’d be too damn weak to say “no” if she did. I’d drag her inside and never let her go again.