35

PEARL

Steph sat on a park bench beside me with a sympathetic expression on her face. A few kids were playing on the playset in front of us while parents stood off on their own, looking at their phones or just watching their kids. Nobody was paying us any particular attention, which was good, because they would’ve seen I’d been crying if they looked at me for long.

I had just finished explaining everything that happened to Steph, and even my antagonistic sister seemed to realize this wasn’t the situation to pick on me and try to make it worse.

She gave my leg a squeeze. “I’m sorry, Pearl. It took a lot of guts to put yourself out there like that. He’s an asshole for turning you down.”

“Is he, though? I mean I can be mad all I want. But what gives me the right to be mad at a guy for not liking me as much as I like him?”

“Maybe the fact that he slept with you twice?”

“He made it pretty clear those times were just… fun. Dean only ever once said something that made me think maybe he was thinking about dating me. That was before the first time. He said something about how people can change their minds. I thought he meant he was changing his mind about not wanting to date–about me. But that was wishful thinking. Clearly.”

“If a guy puts his cock in my sister, I expect him to at least have the decency to realize how freaking amazing she is.” Steph gave my leg a little pat and leaned in, making me meet her eyes.

“Thank you, but maybe Dean is right. Both of us started this whole thing by swearing off relationships. That’s not exactly a formula for a healthy boyfriend and girlfriend dynamic, you know? It’s like two people meeting at an AA meeting and deciding to go out for drinks after.”

Steph squinted. “I’m not sure it’s like that, but okay.”

“I just mean I wanted to quit the whole dating thing for exactly this reason. I’m so tired of getting hurt.” I felt the emotion welling up in me again and forced it down. “I’m tired of giving parts of myself to people and watching them toss it in the trash. What’s so wrong with me that nobody wants me?”

“Oh, shut up,” Steph’s words were harsh, but her tone was soft. She pulled me in, hugging my head to her chest. “If someone doesn’t want you, that’s a them problem. You’re amazing. You’re smart, talented, and you’re terrified of speaking up for yourself, but you do it anyway, and I’ve always admired that about you.”

“Really?” I asked. It was a stupid question, but I was also an emotional wreck at the moment and any kind of praise was a slight balm to the sting.

“Yes. And somebody not wanting you doesn’t have a damn thing to do with you. It doesn’t mean you should change. It doesn’t mean you should feel bad about yourself. You think chocolate ice cream throws a pity party when some kid orders vanilla? No. It just keeps on being chocolate because the next kid or the next is going to order a scoop. That’s just life, dude.”